/yu/ - Okay everyone.I'm about leave everything behind. Everything, sadly including my pets, which I love so very much. All of my belongings aside from the following: Laptop, SSN, Passport, BC, Spare undies/tshirt, headphones (2), Two binders that hold the af


/yu/ - Feelings

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 No.1988[D]

Okay everyone.

I'm about leave everything behind. Everything, sadly including my pets, which I love so very much. All of my belongings aside from the following: Laptop, SSN, Passport, BC, Spare undies/tshirt, headphones (2), Two binders that hold the aforementioned documents, and the clothes on my back.

I have 12000 dollars, which isn't an incredible amount, but I have no where to hide in this god damn state. My family is out of the picture. Currently I'm still in my homestate, but I'm out of town, and I don't plan on going back for any reason, other than being convinced by my family (which I fear, because they'll definitely teach me a lesson). I'm truly on my own here.

I plan on hopping on an airplane or a bus and moving across the country. Or should I move out of country? It's clear that these people want me gone, and I mean gone gone.

I'd like to hear any opinions, I'm willing to answer some questions. I'll be watching my post for the next couple of hours. I have until 5am tomorrow to disappear.

 No.1989[D][DF]

>>1988
Moving out of the country, especially during covid times, will be difficult, moving across the state I'm already in is as simple as hopping on the next available flight.

Has anyone done something similar to this?

 No.1990[D][DF]

>>1988
Safe travels for you!

 No.1991[D][DF]

>>1988
What's making you do this anyways?

 No.1992[D][DF]

>>1991
I think he's this guy >>9049

 No.1993[D][DF]


Is someone making a death threats to you? This is the first question what comes to my mind immediatelly, could you please give us some of the more detailed explanation in order to forge some good plan for your current stance?

 No.1994[D][DF]

>>1989
might as well fly out of state and no, i haven't done it before and it sounds quite scary. good luck!

 No.1995[D][DF]

I'm such a massive fucking asshole guys

My mom is not handling this well at all

My sister has lost all trust in me

My dad wants me to go home


I've fucked up, and if I go back, I know for a fact people will have it in for me.

I want to go home, I want to make things right with my mom, I want to listen to my dad, but I'm afraid of the consequences.

I've made things harder for everyone, because of my own selfish choice.

frens have reached out, I tell them that I'm okay.

But I feel like everyone just wants me dead.

I don't know what to do.

I'm thinking about flying back and having my mom meet me somewhere. I'm so fucking worried about going back to that neighborhood after this.

My mom seems like she's ready to cut me out of her life, my sister as well. My dad is probably pissed but he hasn't really shown it.

This is the biggest fucking move I've made, and now I'm hurting others and myself because of it.

 No.1996[D][DF]

>>1995
I wouldn't say that they've lost all trust in you, if your mother is worried then she cares about you, maybe it's best to go home and to talk through literally everything - all your problems, fears and etc. Also, how far away are you now anyways?

 No.1997[D][DF]

>>1996
They say they care, and my parents probably do. But I still see myself as irredeemable.

I'm going to fly home and meet my mom somewhere private and away from that house.

I'm not far, I have enough for the return flight, which can happen tonight or tomorrow.

She might slap me.

My uncle my kick the shid out of me.

And a part of me thinks that neighborhood might kill me.

I will try and explain myself, my fears, and why I decided to move so suddenly.

I'm not great at opening up to people, let alone my family, but it's time to talk.

So far everyone who I've consulted with hasn't said anything in terms of punishment. My dad says it's ridiculous to think that they'll "kick my butt", but I wouldn't put it past my uncle.

One crisis hotline specialist said that I should go home and work thinks out, but he kept saying how "strong my self awareness is". Which is off putting because I mentioned a lot of my fears and the possible consequences.

 No.1998[D][DF]

>>1997
It's nice that you're going home to them. But yeah, keep away from all the people who you don't want to see, especially your uncle if there's a chance at "punishment" (even if it might not happen at all). Im glad to hear that you have sought help from trained professionals, people rarely ever do that unfortunately. The specialist probably said it because (as I'd imagine) normal(fag) people don't tend to think about all their fears, let alone talk about them.

 No.1999[D][DF]

>>1998
Well my uncle just sent me a picture of his breakfast of scrambled eggs and refried beans. He offered to pick me up and take me for a ride, which is hard for me to interpret as a frenly invitation, but he says that he loves me and that I'm more than welcome to drive with him.

I just feel so suspicious about my family, like there's ulterior motives. It is pretty strange..


My uncle just texted me again

"Hey, anon. Let's go shop around for somethings for your ride. You have to have it nice for when you get your paper work done."

I haven't actually told anyone I'm out of state, but I can continue to hide it.

 No.2000[D][DF]

>>1999
Maybe your uncle is trying to be nice to you. Anyways, so how many people know about your trip?

 No.2001[D][DF]

>>2000
I don't know, anon. This is the suspicious part I'm talking about, "you have to have it". It seems passive aggressive to me. Not many people know about my trip.. Just my family and a couple of frens. I'm sure my mom has mentioned it to people because my mom's fren reached out as well, and we hardly talk.

 No.2002[D][DF]

>>2001
I really don't see that as any kind of aggressive. More that it implies how it's necessary to have the car look good to pass the technical tests or just like it's common courtesy.
Kinda like having to be dressed well for a trip to the opera or something.

 No.2003[D][DF]

>>2002
My car is clean, it has brand new mats, the interior has been refurbished, I don't know, I feel like he's trying to lure me out of my hotel, except he just doesn't know I'm out of the state. I don't understand what you're trying to say. Technical tests? The car is functionally fine, common courtesy? Sure, but in a situation like this? I don't know about that one. The opera? I don't see how that relates to my situation

 No.2004[D][DF]

>>2003
If you don't trust him then you don't have to agree to anything. Do the things that you want and speak to the people that you want to.

 No.2005[D][DF]

>>2004
That makes sense
My dad texted me earlier
Asking me if I was coming home tonight
"Why prolong it." he said
"They whant you home"

 No.2006[D][DF]

>>2005
Well try to contact your mom now, maybe even just call her, or whoever you wish to speak to, anon.

 No.2007[D][DF]

>>1988
Are you that same autist who thinks everyone you know wants to kill you?

 No.2008[D][DF]

You should probably return back. I know it's not easy, but it sounds like your family genuinely cares about you. You love your pets, right? If your pet would run away, would you be more angry at him for running away or worried for him? Would you punish him if he comes back?
Also your future life and relationships with these people are more important than your fear of consequences, so in my opinion you should face them and return. Even in the unlikely case your mum slaps you and your uncle beats you up. But I don't think he will, unless you know for sure he's beaten up people in the past

I want to tell you something that I don't know how to tell you.
I think a lot of your fears are made up by your mind. Let me explain. Very few people get killed. Less than 1% in the world die this way, in your area probably even less than that, and for a person not involved in drugs/gangs it's probably even lower.
I know you notice all sorts of things, but have you ever considered that maybe your fear is influencing the things you notice and your conclusions on them? Like when you're in the dark and are afraid, each shadow looks like a person who wants to hurt you, and each sound like someone approaching...

Try for a second to reason about it logically, put aside your feelings. Why would all this be happening to you, and not anybody else? How much does it take to push a person to homicide, and have you really ever done anything close to that to anybody? The world is full of dickheads, even famous dickheads, and somehow they are (mostly) all still alive. That's because killing someone is not something one does lightly and it's not something easy to pull off without going to jail for a long while.
Of course there's also impersonal cases, like mass shootings, robbery gone wrong, etc... but that's one death in a million. Ok maybe a little more than that, but still incredibly low, especially compared to other things.
You probably are more at risk of being run over by a car.

And I'm not trying to make you afraid of cars. I'm trying to make you realize that your fears don't have such strong foundations in reality as you think they do, and they don't deserve to affect your life this much. They will never go fully away, but maybe you can learn to react to them better

 No.2009[D][DF]

>>2007
Yes.

>>2006
She hasn't answered my texts, I'm planning on asking her to meet me somewhere once I land back in my home state. I feel like I don't deserve to call these people, but my dad keeps checking in on me, same with my uncle. My uncle told me to come home "we admit responsibilities and deal with them".

The last message I sent my mom was me asking if she wanted to talk and she hasn't messaged me back. Right now, I'm waiting on a phone call from my dad.

>>2008
My uncle would punish me growing up. He and I have a long history with each other, at one point he straight up told me he didn't really like me as a teenager. I'm a young adult now. We do spend a lot of time together, and he does joke/clown around a lot, but I know I've done things to hurt him as well.

I agree that my relationship with my mom is important, it means a lot to me, but I have this gut feeling that I cause her pain more than anything else. I love this woman, she's said in the fast that she could leave like my dad did if she wanted to, live her life and what not. Now she's talking about selling the house, which is something I know she has been thinking about for a while now. I wouldn't mind at all, she can do that and move somewhere she would be happier. I know she will be.

> "Try for a second to reason about it logically, put aside your feelings. Why would all this be happening to you, and not anybody else? How much does it take to push a person to homicide, and have you really ever done anything close to that to anybody? The world is full of dickheads, even famous dickheads, and somehow they are (mostly) all still alive. That's because killing someone is not something one does lightly and it's not something easy to pull off without going to jail for a long while."


You make a lot of good points, anon, and it is reassuring. It's hard to set aside my thoughts, which can be unfair to others. These feelings do affect how I treat people, which is usually something bitter or weird. I feel like it would be so easy for someone to pull up and put a couple of shots into me and speed off, it's happened before. People at my high school have been found dead in parking lots, for who knows what. So I've practically been hiding at this point.

> "And I'm not trying to make you afraid of cars. I'm trying to make you realize that your fears don't have such strong foundations in reality as you think they do, and they don't deserve to affect your life this much. They will never go fully away, but maybe you can learn to react to them better"



It feels like my family understands my fears, or at the very least, know how to use certain things to influence how I feel, my sister has admitted to gas lighting my mom's boyfren in the past, so it wouldn't be surprising if she found a way to gaslight me. That's a part of what worries me, except it's not something I've shared with my family. I'm not sure if that's something I should do either.

 No.2010[D][DF]

Well I'm back home.

So much has happened already, I still have reservations for my near future, I'm worried about what will happen to me if I don't permanently leave. I explained this to my mom and she dropped a couple of bombshells on me. She said since my disappearance, she realized that she doesn't want to be with anyone, that she wants to live alone, sell the house and move away. That whatever happens, happens, she's no longer going to worry and worry about my future. When she said this, I began to fear for the worst. She told me to love myself, to take care of myself, and to accept myself. To find god, to talk to a priest or pastor, and find the lord. She said that she needs to find god as well, in order to be happy. It felt like she was asking me to commit suicide. I kept saying things like "I don't want to die", "Is it happening tonight?", and other shid like that. She kept shaking her head, and saying that she wouldn't hurt me. But if I wanted pain she could grab a belt and whoop me. She also talked about putting me into a mental hospital for a while. I don't know what could possibly help me at this point.

We called my dad and he basically told me the same things as she did, that they aren't going to hurt me. He said a couple of things that stuck with me, "We're not going to hurt you, anon", "Everything's going to be okay","It's ALL in your head", and "We have to get you - the right medication so that you can be happy and healthy in life". Hearing him say these things was concerning I sense ulterior motives. That him, my mom, my sister, and everyone else who reached out wants to lure/lull me into a false sense of security before they act. He called me this morning to check in on me, and reminded me to talk to my counselor today, explain what happened recently.

My uncle and my mom's boyfren were getting drunk last night, talking about what's going to happen later tonight. They're talking as I'm typing this right now. My mom's boyfren said somethings dead, I didn't quite hear what that somethings was. My uncle says "You haven't worked, but it's coming now" (rough translation), I can't really hear the context, but it sounds serious.

 No.2060[D][DF]

>>1988

The first time I wanted to run away I was 7.

When I was 16, I told one of my classmates, I worked hard because I wanted to leave my home and never come back again.

When I was 23, I decided to leave, but later went back twice to see if I still had any reason to go back home. The last time I went home something convinced me it's a mistake to go back again.

It's not easy to survive. My family chased me and it forced me to stop contacting anyone they knew, my classmates, friends, anyone, so that they couldn't have my phone number.

I later learned that I was abused by my parents. I had to spend a huge amount of time on correcting myself, and at the same time struggle to find a job.

I don't know why I am still alive today. But I know I made the right decision. Had I not escaped from my family, my life could have been far worse.



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