Okay, I'll think of this next time I decide to make a post related to all this>>1982
It's not just being a jerk or being a dick to people. I mean not even my own mother seems to care for me. She keeps saying things like "you need it" and shit.
Cars keep speeding past my house, non stop, revving their engines. I feel like people have my address.
I don't know, anon, my dad called me to say that he would rather me go to Mexico instead of to his place in California. That I'd probably feel the same as I do here.
I feel as if I'll die before the end of the month or I'll be killed by someone in Mexico.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm taking my meds, talking to my counselor, trying to talk to my family, but I still feel like they're trying to con me. My mom tells me she wants me to feel safe and comfortable, but she doesn't seem to care when I tell her I want to be far away from this neighborhood. I believe I'd feel happier and safer in a one bedroom apartment by myself. But I can't do that right now. She said she'd withhold the title to my car, because she doesn't want a mentally ill person driving around.
She suggested I go to hospital, or that she whoop me with a belt if I wanted to feel pain. I don't know. I think about it sometimes, but my counselor hasn't mentioned it, even after all I've told her. She says that she wouldn't hurt me. My dad says that too. But I wouldn't say that my uncle wouldn't either. Or anyone else for that matter. >>1983
I am thinking about it, but no, I haven't been physically hurt by anyone. I've been diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression, my counselor put in a note of mild psychosis, and my psychiatrist say I'm experiencing feelings of paranoia. Yet I still worry for my safety, even with a diagnosis like this. I get this impression that many people don't like me, complete strangers in my town tend to treat me like shit for whatever reason. Getting on the bus is difficult, I feel as if I've been noticed by some of the people in my town, and I struggle with that feeling. I feel like someday someone will get fed up and try to take me out.