(continued, part 2)
>8 years old
>on Eid sometimes they'd let me do stuff with them, maybe play a game but rarely
>they thought I was uncool, just like older family members do
>i felt sad, rejected and alone
>9 years old
>play hide and seek with them
>hide in bathroom, cousin was with me
>he kept feeling me up and humping me while moaning
>couple months later, or maybe a year
>they were over at my house
>he takes off my pants and touches me in you know where
>kept moaning while doing so
>ever since then i felt disgusting and all of that
>13 years old
>became more reclusive
>only person i talked to mostly was dad
>he cared about me a lot
>still felt sad
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgUEXe019l0>now, just this week>decide to contact one of my cousins (not molester)>he was an anime fan when i was 6 or so, one of those rawr xD type people>he was the least asshole-y to me of the bunch maybe>though he still ignored me mostly>i message him and send him a heartfelt message>he doesn't respond, goes private >i start having these thoughts>he has a life, a gf, and is probably living the dream>they all are happy now>i'm alone, rarely talking to my friends>felt alone for years>feel like my heart was literally squeezed of all life>start crying>cry and cry>my dad was next to me, we sleep in the same room>he wakes up and asks me what the problem is>i tell him>he helps me out>if it wasn't for him who knows where i'd be now>maybe dead
Godspeed pops. I love you.
Pic slightly related, Sayaka Miki. She's a lot like him.
I forgot to mention this:
My dad really believes in me. Ever since I was young he really thought I was really smart, the smartest person he'd ever seen. Is he right? I mean, it's not up to me to say. But the fact that he believes in me to this extent really makes me happy. My dad is a great guy. He's my friend, not only my dad. He'd let me hang out with his friends and I was a part of his social circles. His friends are good people. They showed me there's a way out of a downward spiral. And I'm ever thankful for all of them.
Damn... thats rough
This is very, very sweet. What happen to your father?
I don't know how to feel, this is completely different from my life. My father was pretty much is very cold sometime, he doesn't believe I'm smart, he thought he have to take care of me for my whole life when I was younger, he sometime slaps me too hard, even above the body even if my family said that it's where a child can be scarred from it. Happly, he stopped and believes in me more, but still believes he is correct a lot of the time, so sometime he argues about my opinion about why he sometime that way. It got to the point that he said he sees me as a friend, take it as you will, but I asked him to stop, since he has been treating me almost like someone scary before he said that. My father's friends are questionable, since he doesn't even open to me about it. Your fathers sounds like someone I can really get along, and sounds like what I do want to be when I can be a father.
To add on, other than very sweet, it's very, very dark, wish we can get to know each other, that is very dark, I wish I can at less really do help you in any ways right now.>>1645
Same, I heavily believe in you
>>1644>he sometime slaps me too hard
My dad slapped me once when i was like 13 because i called him an asshole, but when he slapped me i said asshole again and then he slapped me again but i said asshole again and he has never even come close to slapping me since then.
Christ almighty this is hell. i'm glad you made it through ok! only thing that happened to me is that, i used to go to karate when i was around 8, i got touched by another kid, i got scared if not confused, and i told my parents about it, they told the kid's parents and he got a hard slap on the face. next thing you know, the kid got shipped out to some mental health hospital in new mexico. i got justice, but you didn't.
>is he right?
He's right. he's your father, and it seems like hes a good one. that's good of him to trust you like that.
Frankly the only thing that can turn children that way is either seeing explicit sexual stuff, or perhaps he might have been molested himself. its a dark road either way and hopfully he gets help himself someday.
Damn, though, my father mostly do that due to things I didn't think about as a kid, he did that to make me learn, but tbh, it also scarred me for life.
i'm so sorry but that sounded so comical that i couldnt help but laugh. fuck
As a kid, no matter how much stronger the other person was i would always stand against them.
I remember me and my friend in 8th grade were throwing trash on the ground and some grown up dude came to us and tried to scare us away but i stood up to him and he left, even though he was way bigger and clearly stronger than me or my friend.
If i think back, it is kinda comical lmao
Very brave, for me, this is why I can't stand against my father as a kid, the family was a very forcing family where they force me to be in a forced-dependent relationship, where one mistake can set someone off if I'm not to careful, I later learn not to, but it pretty much limits my freedom to the point I feel nothing sometime
It pretty much numbs me sometime, feeling like my freedom will hurt someone like my father hurting me. I later would be more to do or obey friends or people I trust without doubts unless it's something against my beliefs. I would sometime give up my freedom to others because in that moment, I feel the most guilty for sometime trying to get friends to change for me to feel free. I remember even saying to one of them I would even die for them if I have to.
twoot alphacat/chad confirmed
The fear to lose control, my beliefs has a way to fix it, but for my whole life, it's always been the fear of using control. I may abuse, I may lie, I do them because of fear, and as I try to break those fears, the PTSD, the pain, it will also attack me once again. I feel it's getting weaker since I've moved on from anythings that can weight it down.
That is what I can understand sometime, everyone sometime, fear is what may what cause us pain, but that is how I relate to others, that fear that I feel everyone have, or the suffering they go through, I feel the most of pain, to the OP, I wish to hear more from you, I believe you can do it buddy, no matter if you say your life is not what you see is good, I believe it can get better.
You want my advice? Your cousins can go to hell. Fuck 'em, don't think about them, talk about them, anything unless you have to. From the way you described him, your father is a great man. Stay close to him, but know that as a father what would make him happiest is to see you grow independent. Make a role model of him, and look around you to see if you can find any other admirable men you can also make models of. Have a goal, a person you want to be.
OP here. I just woke up and I'm happy this thread got some traction. >>1661
I try not to think about it all but being how I am it always fails.
it won't dissapear for a long while too, 5 pages or 300 posts or so.
they seem like pretty shitty siblings
whom are you quoting
Good luck man. That's sad and unfair, but I'm happy that you've got a wonderful dad. Despite all of his defects my dad's great too.
However, your cousins and brother most likely aren't very happy (even if they may try real hard to show they are), and will never be. Cunts are closed in their own box of cuntiness, because when you treat others like shit, it bounces back. They will surround themselves with shitty people and lead a shitty life chasing some petty goals like a pointless career or power/money to feel worthy.
The best case for them is if they feel incredibly guilty of what they used to do/let happen to you. If not, they're hardly worth a nail of yours.
Have values, respect yourself and others, have a dream, and you will accomplish more than they ever will. People who don't respect you aren't worth your presence, which is priceless (however don't act as if you're better than others when you get your confidence back)
Don't let anybody convince you otherwise, ever
I believe in you.
hope your doing ok op