/yu/ - Feelings


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 No.1532[Last 50 Posts][D]

Write any random feely thoughts which don't deserve their own thread itt

Sometimes I get in a pretty bad mood, and I start to perceive everything as shitty, even things said by people I'm close with or things I would usually like. Recently I once again was in this mood and got upset when a friend of mine poked fun of a thing I liked, so I wrote a whole rant as a response. I knew the reason it annoyed me was mainly my mood but I suspected that these feelings might be something I "repressed" when in a good mood, also I thought "maybe I'm wrong, but if I don't say it this stays inside of me, on the other hand if I say it we will clear things up"
The next day after reading his response instead of feeling like we "cleared things up" I just felt like I acted like a cunt for no reason
Now this is just a new one of the regretful memories that often pop up in my mind to sting me like a needle


I heavily relate to this, even with my dearest of friends, man, I heavily feel this way when I do get in a pretty bad mood, or even worse.


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I don't like humans and i want humanity to be wiped out.


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[spoiler]Twoot please, you're scaring me tbh[/spoiler]


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Humanity is a parasite. I want to make it go away


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Twoot plz, I am human, you are human, we are all human here. What happen to 22chan if no one is here to do anything here?


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I want an asteroid to hit earth. Yes yes that would be nice yes yes


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destroying the world sounds nice
let's poke kim-jong un and make him drop the nukes


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oooooohhhhh yesssssss very good idea. Make someone start WW3 yesss


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my best friend who I knew for most of my life died yesterday, just wanna say that I am glad he is finally relieved from all his misfortunes and mesiry, I will never forget you.


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I wish you the best buddy.
All I know is that for the memories you are with him, is something you should never forget.


i always love ranting about stuff, but i need to type it out the second i come up with a good one, or i'll forget what i wanted to say, or it comes out sub-par


I have a similar problem, I tend to forget the reasons why I was upset a little before. So a while back I've started writing them down on my phone in a weird "depressive" diary
Also I made this thread on the internets


I'm bored. Recently I wrote down the things I'd like to do but I don't feel like doing any of them right now
The internet is boring me, I don't know where to go
I guess I'm going to sleep now


what do you plan to do anon?
good night


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tell us
the counsul
we shall decide your fate


Now it's a bit better, I can do stuff I didn't feel like doing before


I feel hollow
Remember the anon with the toads on livechan?
thats me. Today i woke up and saw the stump with the toad was on fire. someone used lighter fluid on the stump and i put the fire out and its too late he had a family and they burnt and suffocated they had fucking sand in theyr mouths and i did called the police about the stump burning and i guess thats theres some shitty regulation about how after you cut down a tree it should be grinded or burnt, and the guy put rocks around it so it was a controlled burn (even though it was on my property) and theres nothing i can do aboyt it
i buried them in nice hole and i dont really know what to feel or do next
perhaps i should just laugh because they where just toads "reeee beta uprising"
but i did like them. i really did i guess RIP


Let us all have a moment of silence. Too good for this sinful earth.


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Rest in Peace toads





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i miss the croaking noises they made in the night
it was always comfy seeing them around, and they ate a lot of pests, and dangerous spiders, also some roaches
hopefully new toads might migrate someday, even though its not a good enviroment for them to live since the stump is burnt


you're a good soul, anon. people like you are in short supply these days.


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i dont know where hes going to live but theyre back! i wonder what type of toad this is anyways?
perhaps if i do reasearch i can regrow the population/an army.
i shall now keep any toad related news to livechan
i feel alot better now
when there is one, there can be more


Great news man!


I'm so fucking saddened today. I started off the day feeling pretty good, but now I have this painful emotional feeling in me right now. I'm just so fucking distraught and upset that it's reaching my throat. It's that uneasy feeling where it's not just pure anger or pure sadness, but just, "WHY WHY WHY". God I'm so fucking upset, and I know this isn't something that I'm gonna get over tomorrow or the day after, this is gonna hurt for a while.


what happened?


It looks like what is know as an American Toad to me
t. wizard who runs around the woods around twilight getting excited about toads and fungi and miss and such


banned from 4chan


tell us why anon, btw, i hope you like 22chan (ignore my tripfagging)


4chan is over tbh, I wouldn't even get mad at it
Old 4chan is over, so I would be happy that well, they prove to me that they are not what they are anymore


Yeah, it sucks. but don't worry! you'll get over it soon anon!
either you'll get access again or you'll stay here or even leave but it will get better


it is an american toad!
i managed to grow more toads and terraformed a good, swampy enviorment for my frens to live in
they like small cave like things to nest in, and need water to put their eggs in
i did all the research and everything is back to normal


It’s fucking bullshit.
There’s this asshole on 4chan who won’t stop flipping out and spamming his bullshit anytime there’s any mention of my little pony, even if it’s a cropped image. This leads to tons of people trying to bait him in every board by posting cropped images. Basically, it’s a huge thread derailer.
Now all that I MYSELF did, was post a picture making fun of him, a shitty meme cartoon, and I get banned for “spamming/flooding”. Meanwhile, his actual spam gets to stay up.
The worst part is that I was using a pass which I just bought a week ago to get by all the fucking rangebans, and now I’m worried it’s gonna get rescinded, $20 dollars wasted. I literally did nothing wrong.
Now a lot of people here like to talk shit about 4chan, but it’s literally the only English image board on the entire internet with any kind of substantial user base. People say it’s cancer now, but I don’t really mind it, especially the boards that I browse, which are mostly chill. It’s a good enough place for me to just talk about whatever I want, especially with this Coronavirus going around and there’s not much to do all day. Alt Chans just can’t compete. They’re too slow. I understand some people like it that way, but I personally prefer getting replies more quickly. 4chan is like sending a text, alt chans are like sending mail. I just prefer to feel like I’m having an actual conversation.
Sorry about my rant, but this is just how I feel.


try saying the full story to the mods


Again, I prefer the alt chans due to the slowness, since I pretty much do something else. But, if 4chan is the only place that has any kind of substantial user base in an English image board, then it's not something you should be in forever, since once they ban you, you have to deal with the slowness on alt chans, or have to do something else. Again, because they ban you for that, you shouldn't even care about 4chan anymore since well, it has done something you don't like, it's far too gone now, even if it's faster, it's the reason why I see slowness over how fast it is in 4chan right now.


>Actually giving hiro any shekels for the (((pass)))


I was coerced by range bans on all my favorite boards


how many boards did you get b& from?


I was blocked COMPLETELY from /co/, /tv/, /v/, and /vg/. Still am, so I can’t ban evade, even if I wanted to. I don’t really use /v/ or /vg/ much, but /co/ is my most visited board, so it stung hard when I was blocked from there. I was also blocked from uploading files on all blue boards, which has since been lifted, but I still can’t post on the 4 which I mentioned. I have to use a pass to get by the block.


Wait, do you mean the "bronies this is your mindset" dude? Fuck him.


depends who was being antagonistic, and if the bronyposting thing was posted on the wrong board
i'd be pissed too if shit was posted in the wrong containment board.


You have no idea. This guy is a legendary autist. He’s more obnoxious than any brony could ever be, so much so that people go out of their way to bait him by posting more ponies.
But the problem is that it isn’t just posting literal mlp content that causes him to flip out, but anything that ever touched a pony. Someone will post a reaction image of a guy cringing, sounds fine right? Nope. Turns out it was used in some brony comic no one’s heard of, and Lee will flip out over it and start spamming, derailing the whole thread. He’ll prove it’s pony related by linking to the Derpibooru page, basically a website archiving all mlp fanart. Also a lot of the fan art are just memes put together in photoshop, like people will just take a clip from the Simpsons, or a wojak or something, and just put a pony next to it. Basically, anything can be pony related.
Mods have tried to ban him, but he likely just uses a high end VPN or proxy to evade forever. He’s really a menace.


Forget "legendary autist," the rabid nig's actually insane. [spoiler]to be fair, though, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a rogue impersonator or two making the situation seem a lot worse than it actually is[/spoiler]


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Cant even fucking cry. What a joke is this life


Ever since I was very young I was an emotional person. My interests diverted from the rest of my peers and so I was left alone a lot of the time. I wish my mind was right then. I wish I could fix myself. I can't.


I was bullied by my cousins and brother from when I was 6, and my cousin molested me when I was 9-10. I felt isolated then but this served to exacerbate it. I recently checked my cousin's Twitter (not the one who molested me, but another one of them). He has a life now, a gf, etc. I decided to message him and tell him that I wanted to see how he is now (he was the least asshole-y of the bunch) and he went private, presumably so that I don't talk to him. I even called him by his real first name, because I mostly called him by his nickname when we were younger.. I feel alone. I don't know why it's affecting me so much. It just does.

Non volo plus hic esse.


I really hope you can be happy here anon, as much that pains me. I wish you the best on all of that, the very best.


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I really appreciate it. I'll be here a while, that's for sure.


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np, hope you really enjoy your stay


It annoys me how much my perspective on things and life in general changes with my mood
When each point of view gets replaced so easily and quickly it begins to feel like they are all bullshit


Are the changes in views predictable or is it random?


Well it was two weeks ago so I don't remember exactly what I was referring to, however I suspect it's about how when I'm in a bad mood I tend to see everything as shit, when I'm in a good mood as fine. I know it's normal but this goes to the extent that one day I feel like I will figure my life out in the future, and the next that I will definitively 100% end up an heroing in a few years. It's weird, everything I believe about certain things just goes out the window sometimes
Is my mood predictable? I don't know actually. Sometimes I can feel the sinking approaching beforehand. Sometimes one minor negative event is enough to send me down. I don't know


Having bad moods clouding all the positive feelings in your life is horrible. I have similar bad feelings from time to time but not to the extent that you have it anon. For me when I am in a unpleasent mood it feels like I will have a hard life. I don't know if what I am saying resonates with you at all but I hope it does. I know this is a clique but do you have any projects you can work on while you are in a bad mood? Something that you don't have to think too intensively may be a good thing to work through while your down.


Thanks for your kindness anon. I try to find projects to work on to feel better, also I try to watch more movies and stuff. Hopefully that will help
I'm afraid our lives will be hard, but they can hopefully be fun too


For me, music helps when I am in a bad mood. Movies and Tv shows are less effective because they don't connect to me as much as music. What kind of projects are you looking to do? Ones that are to pass time or projects that you will look back fondly of? Life is probably going to be hard no matter what I do since every human struggles at one point or another (last I checked I was human) and some people struggle more than others. It would probably would be less painful if I thought of my goals and what I have achieved so far while I was in a bad mood. My personal biggest problem is that I don't have a strategy fight back against the sour moods.


I've been a little cold with music recently, but otherwise I really like it and often listen to it to feel.
By projects I mean that I hope to fill my time in a more satisfying way than watching youtube. I like making things. It's like you are actually working for something and when you're finished that something exists! It can be programs or drawings or music or whatever
My plan to fight bad moods is to spend my time as good as I can. I'm afraid the biggest factor on my mood (stress) is not under my control, so if I can't reduce the bad things in my life I have to have more good ones to balance it out


I am rarely cold with music because there is so much on my list to listen to. Self-improvement is great no matter what form it comes in. Having good things to balance out stress makes stress more useful to get stuff done without the negative side effects affecting you as much.


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For nearly my entire life, the dreadful feeling that I'm running out of time or not doing enough has followed me. I have this weird anxiety that if I'm late or miss my deadline that something will happen. I do a whole bunch of personal projects to fill this void, and I enjoy them, but I rarely finish them. I have a good time planning it out and starting it up, setting goal dates, and steps how to get there.
Problem is I have a severe lack of motivation at times and do miss my goal dates. Everytime it happens, I am reminded of my consistent failures. It doesn't matter what I have succeeded in, those little successes never makeup for the larger goals I tend to miss. It's like I just don't give a shit about my own goals and ideals until I miss my weird self assigned end date and freak out. I sometimes give up immediately because I convince myself I don't care and instead do essentially nothing until my free time is up. Then I feel awful and swear to be productive and make plans again and the cycle never stops.
I want to stop cycling through projects that I never finish and just do something. Anything. It's such a stupid thing to complain about, I should just do it. But it seems the nuerotic push to constantly be doing something is related to my mental block of not giving a fuck. The only time I finish a long term project is when I do it for someone else.
>I don't want to live like this desu I just want to be successful at something long term.


I'm on the same boat. The fact that I can't finish anything I begin to do makes me utterly sick because I feel like I'm stuck. As my projects slowly die, abandoned, my mind tries to remedy by throwing new ideas to be excited about which of course will never progress beneath a very initial stage if at all
>I sometimes give up immediately because I convince myself I don't care
I've sometimes felt the same, like even if I got the thing I want, I wouldn't be much happier. However I believe that the "dreadful feeling" is proof that I actually do care, and I think the same applies to you. The problem is that motivation is a fleeting feeling, however I think it's important to always keep in mind that you care, even if you can't feel it right now
>I want to stop cycling through projects that I never finish and just do something. Anything.
Maybe you could try to force yourself to focus on one thing only, at least until you achieve it. Maybe then your confidence will return and it'll be easier to do gradually do more things
>The only time I finish a long term project is when I do it for someone else
You could try to use that to your advantage. Tie your goal to somebody else. Sadly it doesn't work for me


>As my projects slowly die, abandoned, my mind tries to remedy by throwing new ideas to be excited about which of course will never progress beneath a very initial stage if at all
Ah shit I completely get that feeling.
>However I believe that the "dreadful feeling" is proof that I actually do care, and I think the same applies to you.
Good advice, honestly I didn't think of it that way. I often tell myself in moments of weakness that it doesn't matter. But if it didn't matter, why did I try to do it? The dread must come from somewhere.
I think I will try your advice, a close friend's birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I could do a small project for them and go from there...
Thanks, anon. I hope you are successful soon.


Good luck!


Is the project a surprise? I ask that because it could be helpful to talk about with someone to stay motivated.


misery? what happened to him? difficult life?


Has work sucked the fun out of your day? Lately, it has for me. This week I had a big project that I procrastinated on until the last moment. Doing last-minute work is stressful enough, but before I did the assignment, I always thought about it.


Words are hard. Fuck


Anyone have animals or insects in the wild that the second you hear them, you get nostalgic? for me, its cicadas. Pretty chirping noise during the summer, you can even pick them up, or they'll land on you. pretty rainbow/greyish color with prickily legs. i loved catching them and petting them as a kid and hopfully i'll go somewhere to hear them again.


I would not say insects make me nostalgic but they can give a certain feeling. When I see insects when I am in the forest I feel peaceful. Being in the wild removes the stress I have when I'm in the city. When I am in the city I worry about what I need to do.




Life sucks.


has its upsides and downsides


Sometimes when I browse the internet and I find something which is nice, but not too nice, and is a bit time consuming after a while I get into a very unpleasant mood:
I start trying to devour it as fast as I can with anxiety to finish it because I kinda want to check it out, but at the same time I don't want to come back to it later and also I want to get it over with asap. I get this feeling that I need to check everything out, sometimes already thinking about the next thing I have to finish after this one and I actually often stop enjoying stuff in the process. Usually I end up feeling overwhelmed and unhappy when this happens


I've been in training. I am now the fiercest predator to walk the earth. Hunting for a game-trail.


I wanted to post some stuff to this site last night but, I got a massive headache. It felt like I had nausea and felt like I was overheating. It makes me sad that I got a headache because I lost some of my ideas that I wanted to post. This also is negatively affecting me today. While it is subdued now, there is some pain and, it made this morning hard. Particularly my drive to university was more difficult because I am usually stressed and paranoid driving, but now I was in pain and not thinking straight.


The only relatable personality traits that I have are being a degenerate and being somewhat racist.


Your feeling of being unrelatable is relatable to me


Ciao /yu/, do yous ever get like a 'shadow' or a voice talking or stating things to you directly in your mind (not an auditory hallucation bc it happens inside not outside)? I think as many anons have stated was a different self with almost a different personality to what they were just experiencing, but what I mean is being 'pocessed' with complety different person
Like for example I am addicted to fapping, so when I do nofap, I usually get an increase of conversions with the Other;
>Life is gonna be a repeat of a repeat of a repeat and you'll age like fuck and noone will want you
>you're gonna get weaker and thinner and literally be unable to hold a sheet of paper
>(if I text a friend or state what I believe we should do) that is extremely stupid and rude , and you just fucked up the relationship
>youll never get a girlfriend (or) the girl you're interested into is already in a relationship (I don't know at this point)/will cheat later or sooner (usually this one makes me relapses cuz the addiction is a surrogate of a relationship)
>everyone is talking behind your back and are only putting up a façade just to be kind
yeah usually this increases when Im going without fapping, but it happens regularly though. So I blame my shadow (yes, I admit I am fully responsible for my actions at the end but Im saying there's a temptation) for that shit but I'm suprise that my instincts/or whatever has a 'personality' or conscienceness to it. Though it can get worse (like I feel my body move).
So I wonder if anyone here has the same experience with shadows, cuz I can relate to experiencing different personalities/emotional states and headaches throughout the day for things I never did have headaches on.


Your feeling being a smartass is totally relatable to me.


To Expand It: What Are "Us" If There Were No Us Some Wrong Way.


Don't Worry: good Ideas Come And Go And, Ultimately Return As Good.
Some Fluff Is Going Know-Where.


You're are like only 85.5674% Sincere here. C'mon, You Can Do Good!


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i need 3 things in life: pepsi, hugs and cute anime girls


Is there a way we can bring niceness back to this community? i know its partually due to being (sometimes by outsiders, sometimes by rouge 22channers) raided and attacked for no justifyable reason almost 24/7 but it's something i've missed. perhaps i'm being stupid and it's something i've been blind too, like if it happend recently and i missed it.
i think its probably just that, but just a reminder that it's important to our community and it's what seperates us from 4chan, i mean their pretty much awful now, and i'm glad we stopped with the whole "r u a newfag" thing which i think scared away any newfriends back in the day. yeah i think we're doing good. i definetly need to force myself to post more.


that sounds spooky


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I feel so tired lately. Not numb like depression or sad or anything, just constantly exhausted. I fall asleep immediately and often too early, and wake up late, still tired. It bothers me because my whole life I've always gotten up early, like 5am to 8am LATEST. But lately everyday its been 8am, which has been stressing me out.
I only ever sleep in when I'm sick or depressed and I'm currently neither. Maybe I'm not eating enough or am catching up on all the sleep I've ever missed? Who knows.
I'm on a short fuse now because of it. I get stressed from waking up late which makes me internally snap a bit throughout the day. I get stressed at tiny things: a bit of mess in the house, someone talking too loudly, anything. Then if someone asks me a question I'm unable to answer them bc my mouth won't open and speak. I'm not the type to really complain to people I know or tell them whats wrong, so I just internally steam as people in my real life talk to me. I want to slap them to shut them up, I just scream in my head "shut up be quiet I don't care." It's not like me to be such a dick, even if its still on the inside. I'm worried I might finally snap at someone.
I'm tired right now too.


I feel like a girl.
I want to dress like a girl.
I can't.
I want to talk about this to at least my mom, but i dont have the strength to do it...
Right now i feel like i am stuck, waiting for when i can live alone.
Most of my family is really transphobic, the only one that i think that could accept me without any words being said is my grandma.
I really like her.
For some reason, most of my life i didnt show emotions to anyone, so my family would never suspect it, and for the same reason i cant even cry.
I just feel like i am wasting my life, but if i tell my family, my life is going to turn from a peaceful, hollow existence, to a hell of mockery, but at least i will be who i want to be!!!!! :(


geez hopfully you'll get some rest


Im tired of it all and I have noone to talk to.


what happened?


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It always feels like I'm stuck somewhere in life and it never changes. I'm stuck being alone, listening to the same music, watching the same youtube videos about my never changing interests and wasting my day all the same. But what else can I do? I do the aforementioned things for a reason, to at least somehow feel solace and at least limited enjoyment of this life, because outside of that there is nothing for me. Ditching the things I like won't lead to anything. So what should I do? Start listening to normalnigger music that I hate? I might have something to talk about then to other people but I won't suddenly start enjoying that, and it's pretty much impossible to establish any bonds with anyone through one-sided hate.
From the people that I know, I am quite sure that none of them would pick me as a go-to-person for anything, there always will be someone who fits their needs better, so why even bother. I don't know when I'll reach the point of when I truly can't take a single drop more.
So to directly answer your question "What happened?":
nothing happened
as usual.


I think i have an unorthodox solution to your problem
You don't exactly have to be alone though, unless you really want to. you can use 22chan as a medium to express yourself and talk about the stuff you like with other people via threads, livechan or even the cytube.
what ever fashion, like in a show and tell type of way or something like "how do you guys feel about this?" (seriously no one will act like a nigger if you want to talk about stuff here that you like)
also try to shake things up, there's tons of diffrent music and videos, movies, audiobooks, literature, everything on the internet or in a library. try new things or try doing the same things in a diffrent way. if not 22chan, there's diffrent non normalfag websites out there maybe kinda sorta or just find a club or something irl.
(or you can watch or listen to normalfag shit because screw it you probably never heard or watched it before anyhow)


Do any of you guy's use social media?


I'm >>2115
I had sort of a revelation last night. I never really fixed my apathy. I was sucidal at a very young age and I was never treated, it was never even acknowleged. I never was put on meds or went to therapy for it. I don't think I ever left my depressive episode. I'm still apathetic, and its an upwards battle against apathy every single day.
I'm running out of reasons to go on. I look for them quite desperately and anywhere I can find them. But I have no good reason anymore. I don't even have the excuse of public appearance nowadays. My future seems bleak because I can barely function living at home. I'm so tired. I even stopped really leaving my room. I hardly have the motivation to eat, and I definitely havent been taking care of myself as well as I have managed in the past. I just barely get up because of the idea I could possibly talk to a friend or maybe draw something later. I wake up for this imageboard, too. I'm so tired.
I slept 13 hours last night and I'm still tired. I don't really have anyone to talk to and if I do blurt it out to one of my few friends I feel so guilty I try to never mention it again. I don't want to die, but I don't really want to stick around here. I feel like I'm clawing at the sand or treading water. Even when I'm doing alright, I'm not making any progress toward getting better. I'm just maintaining the bare minimum so I don't crumble into dust when I'm not looking. Even when I attempt to self improve, even with spuratic bursts of energy and the willpower to do it, I have no reason to. I don't care about my own goals, I don't care about anything.
The only solution I can think of is to just.. let myself fail. Just give up for a little while. I am afraid to do so because I'm scared I'll never come back out again. But trying hasn't worked. Maintaining doesnt help either. I'm stuck in a limbo where I can't succeed but I won't let myelf fail either. I'm young enough that even if I disappeared for a few months it wouldn't be detrimental. It's not like I'm succeeding the way I am. I don't quite know what would happen if I give in but if I fail again I might off myself.
It's kind of an extreme solution, to just give in, but I really don't see any other option. I've tried to get motivation from everything I can think of. People I know won't help me, if I'm honest they'll put me in psychiatric for being a danger to myself. I really messed up in the way I dealt with it and if I say one thing, the rest will have to come out. I'm not sure what I can do.
What to do?


Have you ever sought out treatment? My best friend was suicidal until they put him on some happy meds, and he is doing a whole lot better now.


Possibly. I'm not suicidal yet so I don't think its neccessary. I don't really have money to pay for treatment, anyway, nor health insurance. I thought about it but it might make things worse.


One thing's for sure, keep talking about it.
staying silent will hurt you more then anything and im sure this is a gay overused reply, but do you have any hobbies, perhaps persuing a hobby might help you.


I just took a final exam and did poorly. I did bad because I thought the exam was open until midnight like every other test I had in the class. Apparently the exam was due 6 pm not midnight. I did not know this and ended up only having 14 minutes to do a thirty question test. I got 50/100 on the exam. My final grade for the class is a 80.22%. My issue is that the professor switched up the timing for the final exam. It was also hard to hear over zoom because it is laggy. I could have gotten a A in the class if I knew about this before I took the test.


That sucks man. It wasn't considerate of your teacher to switch up the timing like that
But at least getting 80% isn't that bad, especially considering you could've missed the last test completely


My teacher decrees things, and it goes no buts. 80% isn't so bad, but I want a bigger scholarship, so I don't have to worry about running out of money.


Nobody finds it fun to be anon anymore and real life has become too intertwined with the workings of the internet as a whole.


I am not one of these people, but I think people use the internet as a validation machine. People do this with relationships in real life too so maybe the internet is the surrogate relationship people are attempting to use for their lackluster relations or lack of relations.


I am in a bad mood for no explicable reason. I just don't get it. It started raining and thundering and I started to feel bad. I am at a loss for words.


that sounds right, whats sad tho is that nothing's really done to prevent it from devoping further.


There's this device that should help you, it wraps around your neck after you tie it to the highest area you can find and to make it work, you just jump and fall.


Summer is coming up in a few weeks and I've realized I want to accomplish a few things during my break from university. One immediate problem is that I usually go with the flow and make excuses when I don't accomplish something. Usually, the excuse is "I've been busy with school work" or it is "I want to relax". The second excuse isn't the worst excuse in the world, but I use it way too often. During summer I will have work, but that won't be everyday. I will write a list of what I want to do everyday. Do you have any advice anon? Is making a list a good idea?


Hello anon. I relate to your struggle.
I don't really know what to suggest to you though. I currently have a list, but I just can't ever seem to follow it. Some things stick, some don't, some work at first but then I quit
But I guess it's worth trying. Maybe you could also set deadlines? I tried and failed, but that's because I set them too distant
Something which I hear often suggested is to work "for someone else", I mean, make yourself responsible in front of someone else. You could promise a friend for example, and share progress with him


I was thinking of finding an application that makes this process like a game. Sort of like a digital checklist that reminds me throughout the day. Deadlines become meaningless because I don't make the task I want to accomplish a habit. I was thinking the checklist could make me accomplish these goals consistently.


>I was thinking of finding an application that makes this process like a game
Sounds cool. If you find something nice do write here
Currently I'm doing checkboxes on Paint, not doing too well though


Before I find that app, I have a question for you anon. Have you written or thought about what you want to achieve?


Perhaps there's some memory thats related to the rain that gets triggered when the weather changes?


I want to do well at university and to practice my hobbies. I've thought about it a bit, and for now I've decided on a few activities to do each day. However even just keeping up with the studies is proving to be a challenge


I found an application called Tascade. It is both on the computer and on phone. I haven't done anything with it yet but it looks good. Tell me what you think about it anon.


i miss when they used to have video game consoles that you can play test in stores, like when i was a kid i played batman arkham asylum on the x-box 360 (it was just a short demo, but still fun), or at best buy they had the full super mario galaxy game and people would just play the whole damn game in store lole


I keep thinking about this friend that I'm romantically attracted to but they didn't want to pursue a relationship. They haven't really shown interest in dating anyone, due to feeling it's a waste if you aren't going to marry them, which I understand. At first it was just a crushy mix lust, but over time I began to feel it less in my loins and more in my heart, A fact which motivated me to tell him and which makes me melancholy to this day. I don't know if any relationship we could have potentially started would last, but the thought still penetrates from time to time.

Beyond that, attempts to make new friends in this environment have been okay, but it seems that those people gradually lose interest over time. I don't have a problem with being alone, especially since not many people enjoy discussing the shit that's on my mind(not redpill shit or whatever some of you might believe, but overall uncomfy topics), but it still feels like I'm just playing a waiting game until I randomly find another autist.

I really am, huh?


It looks pretty good! It also works for the browser which is nice
Though now I'm curious to find some offline open source alternatives. I get a bit worried about privacy sometimes, I mean, I'm going to be putting my personal goals into this thing


i guess. she went through some stuff when she was a kid and she probably wanted to prepare me because i was spoiled or whatever unlike her childhood so if something "bad" happened to me, it wouldnt ruin my life.


I want a gun, of course because it's cool. But, i don't want to be in a position where i would need one, but dont have one on me.


One of the local radio stations had a program sponsored by the local library where the head librarian would read mostly obscure books and literature, some times stories written on the internet. It was for all ages, and wasn't sexual or obscene and the goal was to encourage listeners of all ages to read books and maybe head over to the library. It was honestly quite nice and it did last for a while. He had a soothing voice and always chose interestimg stories, he hinted on who the author might be but never revealed his source. The final broadcast was sad and i don't remember too much about the final story. It was about a guy and his pet lama who seperated after they became teenages having "grown up from eachother". They almost crossed paths several times but something always happened where they didn't notice the other, each time wishing that they could meet up some day and catch up on all that time they where seperated. One day they board a plane and finally meet up, but the situation turns dark as the plane will crash into the sea due to engine troubles, and they arent going slow either. They say their goodbyes and are glad to have known eachother. The story wasm't exactly clear, everything was kinda hinted at.
Miss it dearly. The only thing that kinda works in the same way is the Home made Radio Dramas by the local collage that would play each christmas and halloween. Stories by edgar allen poe and a christmas carol by charles dickens.


Life is short, anons. Sometimes it feels like we're so small fighting against a massive force, the uncertainty of life. What choices should we take? Am I making the right choice? Could I have tried harder? We have to accept the choices we make. The past is the past and the only thing that matters is the present. The time we have and how we spend it. I cried over this earlier but after shedding tears it feels better. We have no choice but to move on. A guy I used to know always used to say "It's never okay to never do anything". Keep going, anons. Never stop.


I'm having a lot of doubts about my life lately. Personally, I have always felt that the best way to live is to do what makes you happy, but for me this is not really reconcilable with the fact that you have to contribute to society to remain living. I mean, it's not like I wasn't aware of it before but I'm face-to-face with the fact that I'm basically a loser. I haven't seen my friends in years, I don't leave my room unless I have to, and I have a god damn gunpla collection. I have been okay with myself this way until now because I was under the assumption that I would become successful at some point, but I increasingly worry that the way I'm capable of applying myself may not allow that. I dread the idea of answering to someone else for decades on end until I retire, with no free time or energy for my hobbies. This is practically already the case with school, but I know it's going to get worse when I graduate and have to get a job. At this rate, I'm just going to alternate between slaving and shitposting until my health deteriorates. I guess on some level, I want to be recognized for what I believe I can offer, but I'm repulsed by the idea of being any kind of spokesman, so I rarely advocate for myself. Besides that, I'm probably not that great in the first place. Maybe it's wrong for me to be more amused by myself than by anyone else. The way I'm living, I wake up already pissed off before my head leaves the pillow. If I have to be like Dilbert, I'm gonna lose it.
That was probably all very disjointed, and I'm not even sure I learned anything by typing it out. There's very little that I'm confident about in general.


>gunpla collection
post pics


Success is what you make it, anon. Does success necessarily have to mean adoration and wealth? Is success not simply being comfortable in one's own skin? If your friends haven't checked up on you in years, are they really friends? What makes a loser? To me, a loser is someone who faces a hopeless situation and does nothing to amend it. A loser is someone who lies down and dies. A winner stands up and fights, for trying is half the battle.
Don't slave your life away. Why does your job have to be your hobby? Can't a job just be some place you spend a few hours in every day to make some money? Get a part-time job and live modestly, cause money will never equal the value of free time. Work on your hobbies and watch yourself grow better at them with each day. People often use the term "dead-end job". Well, why do people assume my job makes me who I am? Does my value end at my job? That cashier you saw at the store could be a damn good painter. People never know but often judge.
>I have a god damn gunpla collection
That's fucking badass, anon. Never beat yourself up for your interests. You've got a shelf full of kick-ass mecha figures? Fuck yeah, dude! That's fucking awesome. Do you paint them yourself?


Hey guys, thanks for replying. I might post pics later but the gunpla are at home and I'm at school. I should probably fix them up a little first, since there are some that I haven't posed or put the decals on. That said, I don't paint them or do much of anything beyond what's in the instructions.
I am confident in my friends, even the ones I haven't spoken to in a long time. Some I have kept in touch with online, it's just that we haven't gotten together in a while, so most of the time when I'm going about my day, it's basically like I have no friends.
My idea of success is simply to have the means to live and the free time to enjoy myself, but I both worry that I cannot achieve that and question the feasibility of it. I get the feeling that my life has been laid out for me by the system we live in, and that for me to be happy would probably be considered a loss by the people running things. I'm not really going to school because I like the idea, yet I also think that if I dropped out, I would end up fucking my life up worse. I haven't even started working and I already want to be retired.
I agree that people are different from their jobs. I just think that I wouldn't be content in a situation where I'm perpetually answering to someone else or god forbid, doing customer service.
Regarding the gunpla, it's something I like but it also represents the fact that I'm incompatible with most people, which I think is the reason I'm afraid of having to live a typical life, even if I somehow found it in myself to be outgoing enough to get to that point.
I feel bad saying this, but most of the time when I hear people talking to each other, I'm annoyed by their mannerisms and can't really understand them. I think the only reason I made any friends in the first place is because we were children at the time.


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>a situation where I'm perpetually answering to someone else
>I'm annoyed by their mannerisms and can't really understand them
Yikes, ego detected. You're annoyed by other people going about their day yet you're angry that you don't have any friends? What exactly makes you so different from them? And what's so bad about answering to other people? I've had good bosses in past jobs and we got along very well. Hierarchy doesn't necessarily mean you're worth less than someone else, it's just a handy system that's existed since the dawn of time. And what's a typical life? Does that mean a house, a job and friends? Or are you one of those people destined for something greater?
Also don't go for customer service or retail when job hunting. Those are terrible jobs.


Jesus, do I sound like I think highly of myself? Let me give you some context here. This is a college. People are always talking about obnoxious trendy stuff. It's not like I think everybody in this place is annoying, but there are enough of them that they're constantly getting to me, talking about Big Chungus or some other shit like that. I was on a bus the other day, and someone got on through the wrong door, then got pissed after the bus driver told her to use the other door. She started swearing loudly and security was called, delaying the bus.
I'm not trying to give you some Elliot Rodger pseudointellect here, and I don't think I'm really angry about having no friends. What gets me in a bad mood is having to wake up early and deal with responsibilities constantly. There's always some kind of bureaucratic thing falling onto me. Just yesterday, I turned in an assignment that I thought had been due two days prior. The due date had been listed as Thursday, but somewhere underneath I was supposed to read that it was actually due on Tuesday. What the fuck?
I think it's a misunderstanding to consider this a matter of self-worth, I just find life to be overwhelming. I wish I could take it easy. I didn't really mean to sound like I think I'm special, in fact I was hoping most people felt like this. I'm anxious about my future because it's not a sure thing that I'm going to be content. I've already said what I want. Maybe that's not really different from what most people have, I don't know.


Sorry, your post came off wrong lol. Yeah, I agree trends can be annoying. It's infuriating that people follow them only to abandon whatever it was after a few months to hop on the next bandwagon. Shows a serious lack of integrity. That lady who was screaming at the bus driver sounds like a total bitch. This is why I avoid jobs where you have to serve other people. Idiots like her really treat service workers like punching bags, and sadly this is pretty common.
That assignment stuff sounds like real bullshit. The teacher has to give you a pass on that, right? If the thing really said Thursday. I'd say it's her fault for not updating it more clearly.
How old are you, anon? When I was in my late ttens/early 20s I was extremely anxious over my future as well. I'm 25 now and I feel like I've sort of figured things out. I still have problems and some anger issues but I'm in a much better place. Sometimes during depressive episodes I think that my life sucks but it really doesn't. You just need to figure out your problems and rise above them, when you achieve that it starts getting better. Some people never achieve this, and that's what's really sad because those people usually resort to dragging others down with them. Like that rude bitch on the bus, I'm 100% sure she decided to take out her shitty mood on the whole bus that day. I think that sounds kinda like you, too. Are you annoyed at other people for seemingly being content when you feel like you can't achieve that?
What're you studying? You don't sound very passionate about it.


I'm 21. It's good to hear that things might look up. I think my outlook on things is often affected by arbitrary feelings and I have a poor understanding of my own thought processes.
I guess it would make more sense for me to ignore people who bother me most of the time, since it's not like they owe me anything. Still, every time I think to leave it alone, they come up with some other way to get under my skin.
I'm studying computer science. Programming is something that has been my hobby for much longer than I've studied it, so you could say I'm passionate about it, but I rarely feel like the kind of things that I'm taught in class have much to do with what I actually have to know in order to code, based on my experience. Maybe I'm frustrated because I think I'm probably already employable and I'm only here for the degree. I also have doubts about that, though. I've never had much of a frame of reference for my actual level of skill, since I'm largely self-taught. Programming as a career is probably a lot less of a creative task.


>I rarely feel like the kind of things that I'm taught in class have much to do with what I actually have to know in order to code
I felt the same way when I was in school. I assume a degree would help you get a job somewhere. I've heard coders can get jobs without a degree if they can show some work but I have no idea if that's true. If you're good at coding, why not code up something cool and show it to an employer? The worst thing that can happen is that they deny you. If not, you'll get your foot in the door. You should give it a shot.
It's true that it doesn't sound very creative lol but it's a good thing to know as computers control more of the world with each passing day. It's probably easy to get a job if you're good at coding.
And yeah, annoying people should be ignored. If you start raging at them you've sunk to their level. Don't let them bother you and if they harass you tell them to fuck off.


I do have a few personal coding projects that are unfinished. I get most of my coding done when I don't have schoolwork to keep up with, but even now I could stand to put more time into it. I've heard that it's good to work on open-source projects, too.
Anyway, thanks for the advice. Hopefully I can get some pics of my gunpla tomorrow.


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Postan gunpla


Good shit, anon. Keep at it. I think I had an action figure of the white one when I was a kid, it seems familiar. My grandpa gave it to me for Christmas.


I'm pretty much your age, also studying computer science, also into coding since long before college, also scared that my future will make me really unhappy. I don't think this last thing is that uncommon, if it's of any consolation. I guess it's just not something you casually talk about
People don't annoy me, but when I'm stressed they give me anxiety, and I'm always stressed and sleep depraved during courses. Luckily though this year I'll study from home, which is really convenient if a bit disorienting
>my outlook on things is often affected by arbitrary feelings
I relate to this a lot as well


top lads
>white one
that's the classic RX-78-2 "white devil" gundam from the 80's animu


I actually kept my ps2/gamecube, and all of the games and yet i've lost it in storage somehow. I'm both angry and depressed because i remember placing it in storage, yet after combing through everything, its all gone.
I have the consoles in my possession though.


How to deal with ageing? I catch myself thinking about it more often, feeling bad about it more often even if I don't want to.


You need to live the life you want so you'll have no regrets when you're old.


meet new people and do fun stuff
even contributing to a project is nice


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I heard about a guy in ancient Greece who was killed for discovering irrational numbers, which makes me kind of sad because I thought we were in the best era for shitposting if nothing else, but they were clearly better.


What a dumb thing to kill a man for.


Your post reminded me of something I read on Wikipedia the other day.

"The number of ribs as 24 (12 pairs) was noted by the Flemish anatomist Vesalius in his key work of anatomy De humani corporis fabrica in 1543, setting off a wave of controversy, as it was traditionally assumed from the Biblical story of Adam and Eve that men's ribs would number one fewer than women's."

Ancient times must've been wild. To think that someone would make a discovery that totally contradicts your reality. That must be scary. It's nice to exist in a time where all this stuff has been sorted out but I think the world feels much less magical as a result.



yeah but you gotta remember this was when Pythagoras was still alive. the irrational numbers went against his cult's idea of a perfectly ordered parallel universe of numbers.
it'd be like going into the middle east and saying Muhamed was a massive flaming faggot who sucked camel cocks and I can prove it.


Tribal mindset, i see what you mean.


Goodbye halloween. I always feel sad after the month of october is over, It always feels magical to me for some reason.


I feel the same way about Christmas.


Chistmas is nice because it isn't about giving gifts, it's about spending time together. Even if there isn't anyone to spend time with, its still comfy to be like someone from the 50's smoking a pipe,drinking wiskey, on some big lounge chair with a cat on his lap near a fireplace brooding about whatever.



tried drinking beer but honestly it tastes gross, like wet grass. i was also handed an strawberry/beer ice pop and again, disgusting. same with wine. only alchoholic thing i did enjoy was this 1% jamaican rum chocolate truffles. besides that i guess drinking and alchohol isn't my thing.


I've felt angry for the past two days and today was worse than yesterday. I was on the point of breaking something all day. I sometimes feel the urge to get angry at my cat but I never give in because he's innocent. I just want someone to hurt like I'm hurting.
What makes it even worse is that the day before yesterday I felt fine. I was in a good mood and everything felt easy. It seems to be like that every time. For every good day I have many bad ones. I just want to be at peace.


Did something trigger your feelings or is it just sporadic?


Long-term physical and mental abuse has left me fucked up.


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I'm sorry to hear that anon, hopefully your mood will be better soon.
Have a cute, encouraging Moomin gif!


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and a cat pic


Thank you, anon. I played a Moomin game on the PC as a child. I have faint memories of it, I think it was the first video game I ever played. Peaceful moments such as these always find me in the end of these episodes. Where it all breaks and comes flowing out. I just have to keep going and eventually I'll find something that triggers it. I love you, anons. I hope you are well.


i have a bad ear infection and it just sucks to wait it out
i just wish it could go away quicker


Curing an ear infection is a war of attrition. Consistently administering ear medicine and not getting water in your ear will help. If you do go underwater go, with earplugs. I have an ear infection too at the moment. Mine doesn't hurt that much but, I have trouble hearing.


I am not in the mood to go to class today. I have to unexcused absences so, I'll live but, today I have a headache and, I don't feel like paying attention. I sort of feel both guilty and happy that I am skipping class. My mind is just conflicted.


Update, After the ear infection went away, I now have the flu or some other type of illness
I dont feel good and i hate this, Hopfully it'll go away soom


I also currently have the flu and, it annoys me. My ears feel normal now when I listen to music. Before, it sounded muffled in the bad ear. Several of my coworkers feel the same as me, so I don't think I'm alone.

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