4 Kun 02/23/20 (Sun) 22:13:24 No. 1533 [D ] [DF ]
>>1532 I heavily relate to this, even with my dearest of friends, man, I heavily feel this way when I do get in a pretty bad mood, or even worse.
4 Kun 02/24/20 (Mon) 23:16:17 No. 1543 [D ] [DF ]
>>1542 I wish you the best buddy.
All I know is that for the memories you are with him, is something you should never forget.
Anonymous 02/25/20 (Tue) 16:15:06 No. 1544 [D ] [DF ]
i always love ranting about stuff, but i need to type it out the second i come up with a good one, or i'll forget what i wanted to say, or it comes out sub-par
Anonymous 02/25/20 (Tue) 17:24:14 No. 1545 [D ] [DF ]
>>1544 I have a similar problem, I tend to forget the reasons why I was upset a little before. So a while back I've started writing them down on my phone in a weird "depressive" diary
Also I made this thread on the internets
Anonymous 02/26/20 (Wed) 23:11:50 No. 1546 [D ] [DF ]
I'm bored. Recently I wrote down the things I'd like to do but I don't feel like doing any of them right now
Anonymous 02/26/20 (Wed) 23:18:44 No. 1547 [D ] [DF ]
>>1546 what do you plan to do anon?
good night
Anonymous 02/27/20 (Thu) 17:14:35 No. 1549 [D ] [DF ]
>>1547 Now it's a bit better, I can do stuff I didn't feel like doing before
Anonymous 03/01/20 (Sun) 17:47:47 No. 1558 [D ] [DF ]
I feel hollow
Anonymous 03/02/20 (Mon) 01:07:08 No. 1559 [D ] [DF ]
>>1558 Let us all have a moment of silence. Too good for this sinful earth.
Anonymous 03/02/20 (Mon) 21:12:15 No. 1564 [D ] [DF ]
>>1558 you're a good soul, anon. people like you are in short supply these days.
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 00:37:57 No. 1607 [D ] [DF ]
I'm so fucking saddened today. I started off the day feeling pretty good, but now I have this painful emotional feeling in me right now. I'm just so fucking distraught and upset that it's reaching my throat. It's that uneasy feeling where it's not just pure anger or pure sadness, but just, "WHY WHY WHY". God I'm so fucking upset, and I know this isn't something that I'm gonna get over tomorrow or the day after, this is gonna hurt for a while.
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 00:53:39 No. 1609 [D ] [DF ]
>>1566 It looks like what is know as an American Toad to me
t. wizard who runs around the woods around twilight getting excited about toads and fungi and miss and such
RoboManiac a0a2e0ef8b 03/22/20 (Sun) 01:46:58 No. 1611 [D ] [DF ]
>>1610 tell us why anon, btw, i hope you like 22chan (ignore my tripfagging)
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 01:48:40 No. 1612 [D ] [DF ]
>>1610 4chan is over tbh, I wouldn't even get mad at it
Old 4chan is over, so I would be happy that well, they prove to me that they are not what they are anymore
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 02:29:30 No. 1613 [D ] [DF ]
Yeah, it sucks. but don't worry! you'll get over it soon anon!
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 02:36:06 No. 1614 [D ] [DF ]
>>1609 it is an american toad!
i managed to grow more toads and terraformed a good, swampy enviorment for my frens to live in
they like small cave like things to nest in, and need water to put their eggs in
i did all the research and everything is back to normal
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 03:01:08 No. 1615 [D ] [DF ]
>>1611 >>1612 It’s fucking bullshit.
There’s this asshole on 4chan who won’t stop flipping out and spamming his bullshit anytime there’s any mention of my little pony, even if it’s a cropped image. This leads to tons of people trying to bait him in every board by posting cropped images. Basically, it’s a huge thread derailer.
Now all that I MYSELF did, was post a picture making fun of him, a shitty meme cartoon, and I get banned for “spamming/flooding”. Meanwhile, his actual spam gets to stay up.
The worst part is that I was using a pass which I just bought a week ago to get by all the fucking rangebans, and now I’m worried it’s gonna get rescinded, $20 dollars wasted. I literally did nothing wrong.
Now a lot of people here like to talk shit about 4chan, but it’s literally the only English image board on the entire internet with any kind of substantial user base. People say it’s cancer now, but I don’t really mind it, especially the boards that I browse, which are mostly chill. It’s a good enough place for me to just talk about whatever I want, especially with this Coronavirus going around and there’s not much to do all day. Alt Chans just can’t compete. They’re too slow. I understand some people like it that way, but I personally prefer getting replies more quickly. 4chan is like sending a text, alt chans are like sending mail. I just prefer to feel like I’m having an actual conversation.
Sorry about my rant, but this is just how I feel.
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 03:07:28 No. 1616 [D ] [DF ]
try saying the full story to the mods
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 03:07:30 No. 1617 [D ] [DF ]
>>1615 Again, I prefer the alt chans due to the slowness, since I pretty much do something else. But, if 4chan is the only place that has any kind of substantial user base in an English image board, then it's not something you should be in forever, since once they ban you, you have to deal with the slowness on alt chans, or have to do something else. Again, because they ban you for that, you shouldn't even care about 4chan anymore since well, it has done something you don't like, it's far too gone now, even if it's faster, it's the reason why I see slowness over how fast it is in 4chan right now.
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 03:45:56 No. 1619 [D ] [DF ]
>>1618 I was coerced by range bans on all my favorite boards
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 03:50:26 No. 1620 [D ] [DF ]
>>1619 how many boards did you get b& from?
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 05:42:29 No. 1621 [D ] [DF ]
>>1620 I was blocked COMPLETELY from /co/, /tv/, /v/, and /vg/. Still am, so I can’t ban evade, even if I wanted to. I don’t really use /v/ or /vg/ much, but /co/ is my most visited board, so it stung hard when I was blocked from there. I was also blocked from uploading files on all blue boards, which has since been lifted, but I still can’t post on the 4 which I mentioned. I have to use a pass to get by the block.
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 15:59:39 No. 1622 [D ] [DF ]
>>1615 Wait, do you mean the "bronies this is your mindset" dude? Fuck him.
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 16:14:11 No. 1623 [D ] [DF ]
depends who was being antagonistic, and if the bronyposting thing was posted on the wrong board
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 16:59:22 No. 1624 [D ] [DF ]
>>1622 Yes
>>1623 You have no idea. This guy is a legendary autist. He’s more obnoxious than any brony could ever be, so much so that people go out of their way to bait him by posting more ponies.
But the problem is that it isn’t just posting literal mlp content that causes him to flip out, but anything that ever touched a pony. Someone will post a reaction image of a guy cringing, sounds fine right? Nope. Turns out it was used in some brony comic no one’s heard of, and Lee will flip out over it and start spamming, derailing the whole thread. He’ll prove it’s pony related by linking to the Derpibooru page, basically a website archiving all mlp fanart. Also a lot of the fan art are just memes put together in photoshop, like people will just take a clip from the Simpsons, or a wojak or something, and just put a pony next to it. Basically, anything can be pony related.
Mods have tried to ban him, but he likely just uses a high end VPN or proxy to evade forever. He’s really a menace.
Anonymous 03/22/20 (Sun) 23:39:14 No. 1626 [D ] [DF ]
>>1624 Forget "legendary autist," the rabid nig's actually insane. [spoiler]to be fair, though, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a rogue impersonator or two making the situation seem a lot worse than it actually is[/spoiler]
Anonymous 04/16/20 (Thu) 20:32:08 No. 1629 [D ] [DF ]
Ever since I was very young I was an emotional person. My interests diverted from the rest of my peers and so I was left alone a lot of the time. I wish my mind was right then. I wish I could fix myself. I can't.
Anonymous 04/17/20 (Fri) 21:55:35 No. 1632 [D ] [DF ]
I was bullied by my cousins and brother from when I was 6, and my cousin molested me when I was 9-10. I felt isolated then but this served to exacerbate it. I recently checked my cousin's Twitter (not the one who molested me, but another one of them). He has a life now, a gf, etc. I decided to message him and tell him that I wanted to see how he is now (he was the least asshole-y of the bunch) and he went private, presumably so that I don't talk to him. I even called him by his real first name, because I mostly called him by his nickname when we were younger.. I feel alone. I don't know why it's affecting me so much. It just does.
Anonymous 04/18/20 (Sat) 13:36:44 No. 1635 [D ] [DF ]
>>1632 I really hope you can be happy here anon, as much that pains me. I wish you the best on all of that, the very best.
Anonymous 08/30/20 (Sun) 10:47:04 No. 1916 [D ] [DF ]
It annoys me how much my perspective on things and life in general changes with my mood
Anonymous 09/13/20 (Sun) 05:30:04 No. 1931 [D ] [DF ]
>>1916 Are the changes in views predictable or is it random?
Anonymous 09/13/20 (Sun) 14:14:43 No. 1932 [D ] [DF ]
>>1931 Well it was two weeks ago so I don't remember exactly what I was referring to, however I suspect it's about how when I'm in a bad mood I tend to see everything as shit, when I'm in a good mood as fine. I know it's normal but this goes to the extent that one day I feel like I will figure my life out in the future, and the next that I will definitively 100% end up an heroing in a few years. It's weird, everything I believe about certain things just goes out the window sometimes
Is my mood predictable? I don't know actually. Sometimes I can feel the sinking approaching beforehand. Sometimes one minor negative event is enough to send me down. I don't know
Anonymous 09/13/20 (Sun) 14:25:49 No. 1933 [D ] [DF ]
>>1932 Having bad moods clouding all the positive feelings in your life is horrible. I have similar bad feelings from time to time but not to the extent that you have it anon. For me when I am in a unpleasent mood it feels like I will have a hard life. I don't know if what I am saying resonates with you at all but I hope it does. I know this is a clique but do you have any projects you can work on while you are in a bad mood? Something that you don't have to think too intensively may be a good thing to work through while your down.
Anonymous 09/13/20 (Sun) 20:24:57 No. 1934 [D ] [DF ]
>>1933 Thanks for your kindness anon. I try to find projects to work on to feel better, also I try to watch more movies and stuff. Hopefully that will help
I'm afraid our lives will be hard, but they can hopefully be fun too
Anonymous 09/14/20 (Mon) 15:48:33 No. 1935 [D ] [DF ]
>>1934 For me, music helps when I am in a bad mood. Movies and Tv shows are less effective because they don't connect to me as much as music. What kind of projects are you looking to do? Ones that are to pass time or projects that you will look back fondly of? Life is probably going to be hard no matter what I do since every human struggles at one point or another (last I checked I was human) and some people struggle more than others. It would probably would be less painful if I thought of my goals and what I have achieved so far while I was in a bad mood. My personal biggest problem is that I don't have a strategy fight back against the sour moods.
Anonymous 09/14/20 (Mon) 19:00:05 No. 1936 [D ] [DF ]
>>1935 I've been a little cold with music recently, but otherwise I really like it and often listen to it to feel.
By projects I mean that I hope to fill my time in a more satisfying way than watching youtube. I like making things. It's like you are actually working for something and when you're finished that something exists! It can be programs or drawings or music or whatever
My plan to fight bad moods is to spend my time as good as I can. I'm afraid the biggest factor on my mood (stress) is not under my control, so if I can't reduce the bad things in my life I have to have more good ones to balance it out
Anonymous 09/15/20 (Tue) 04:42:02 No. 1937 [D ] [DF ]
>>1936 I am rarely cold with music because there is so much on my list to listen to. Self-improvement is great no matter what form it comes in. Having good things to balance out stress makes stress more useful to get stuff done without the negative side effects affecting you as much.
Anonymous 09/15/20 (Tue) 12:47:48 No. 1938 [D ] [DF ]
>>1532 For nearly my entire life, the dreadful feeling that I'm running out of time or not doing enough has followed me. I have this weird anxiety that if I'm late or miss my deadline that something will happen. I do a whole bunch of personal projects to fill this void, and I enjoy them, but I rarely finish them. I have a good time planning it out and starting it up, setting goal dates, and steps how to get there.
Problem is I have a severe lack of motivation at times and do miss my goal dates. Everytime it happens, I am reminded of my consistent failures. It doesn't matter what I have succeeded in, those little successes never makeup for the larger goals I tend to miss. It's like I just don't give a shit about my own goals and ideals until I miss my weird self assigned end date and freak out. I sometimes give up immediately because I convince myself I don't care and instead do essentially nothing until my free time is up. Then I feel awful and swear to be productive and make plans again and the cycle never stops.
I want to stop cycling through projects that I never finish and just do something. Anything. It's such a stupid thing to complain about, I should just do it. But it seems the nuerotic push to constantly be doing something is related to my mental block of not giving a fuck. The only time I finish a long term project is when I do it for someone else.
>I don't want to live like this desu I just want to be successful at something long term. Anonymous 09/16/20 (Wed) 16:39:23 No. 1940 [D ] [DF ]
>>1938 I'm on the same boat. The fact that I can't finish anything I begin to do makes me utterly sick because I feel like I'm stuck. As my projects slowly die, abandoned, my mind tries to remedy by throwing new ideas to be excited about which of course will never progress beneath a very initial stage if at all
>I sometimes give up immediately because I convince myself I don't care I've sometimes felt the same, like even if I got the thing I want, I wouldn't be much happier. However I believe that the "dreadful feeling" is proof that I actually
do care, and I think the same applies to you. The problem is that motivation is a fleeting feeling, however I think it's important to always keep in mind that you care, even if you can't feel it right now
>I want to stop cycling through projects that I never finish and just do something. Anything. Maybe you could try to force yourself to focus on one thing only, at least until you achieve it. Maybe then your confidence will return and it'll be easier to do gradually do more things
>The only time I finish a long term project is when I do it for someone else You could try to use that to your advantage. Tie your goal to somebody else. Sadly it doesn't work for me
Anonymous 09/16/20 (Wed) 23:15:11 No. 1941 [D ] [DF ]
>>1940 >As my projects slowly die, abandoned, my mind tries to remedy by throwing new ideas to be excited about which of course will never progress beneath a very initial stage if at all Ah shit I completely get that feeling.
>However I believe that the "dreadful feeling" is proof that I actually do care, and I think the same applies to you. Good advice, honestly I didn't think of it that way. I often tell myself in moments of weakness that it doesn't matter. But if it didn't matter, why did I try to do it? The dread must come from somewhere.
I think I will try your advice, a close friend's birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I could do a small project for them and go from there...
Thanks, anon. I hope you are successful soon.
Anonymous 09/19/20 (Sat) 01:38:36 No. 1959 [D ] [DF ]
>>1941 Is the project a surprise? I ask that because it could be helpful to talk about with someone to stay motivated.
Anonymous 09/19/20 (Sat) 17:29:00 No. 1966 [D ] [DF ]
>>1542 misery? what happened to him? difficult life?
Anonymous 09/27/20 (Sun) 12:55:39 No. 2050 [D ] [DF ]
Has work sucked the fun out of your day? Lately, it has for me. This week I had a big project that I procrastinated on until the last moment. Doing last-minute work is stressful enough, but before I did the assignment, I always thought about it.
Anonymous 10/09/20 (Fri) 19:54:58 No. 2063 [D ] [DF ]
Words are hard. Fuck
Anonymous 10/09/20 (Fri) 21:35:27 No. 2064 [D ] [DF ]
Anyone have animals or insects in the wild that the second you hear them, you get nostalgic? for me, its cicadas. Pretty chirping noise during the summer, you can even pick them up, or they'll land on you. pretty rainbow/greyish color with prickily legs. i loved catching them and petting them as a kid and hopfully i'll go somewhere to hear them again.
Anonymous 10/09/20 (Fri) 21:43:22 No. 2065 [D ] [DF ]
>>2064 I would not say insects make me nostalgic but they can give a certain feeling. When I see insects when I am in the forest I feel peaceful. Being in the wild removes the stress I have when I'm in the city. When I am in the city I worry about what I need to do.
Anonymous 10/10/20 (Sat) 02:09:12 No. 2066 [D ] [DF ]
eh
Anonymous 10/10/20 (Sat) 23:02:55 No. 2067 [D ] [DF ]
Life sucks.
Anonymous 10/11/20 (Sun) 02:22:10 No. 2068 [D ] [DF ]
>>2067 has its upsides and downsides
Anonymous 10/13/20 (Tue) 16:10:07 No. 2075 [D ] [DF ]
Sometimes when I browse the internet and I find something which is nice, but not too nice, and is a bit time consuming after a while I get into a very unpleasant mood:everything out, sometimes already thinking about the next thing I have to finish after this one and I actually often stop enjoying stuff in the process. Usually I end up feeling overwhelmed and unhappy when this happens
Anonymous 10/13/20 (Tue) 22:25:21 No. 2076 [D ] [DF ]
I've been in training. I am now the fiercest predator to walk the earth. Hunting for a game-trail.
Anonymous 10/15/20 (Thu) 14:23:33 No. 2078 [D ] [DF ]
I wanted to post some stuff to this site last night but, I got a massive headache. It felt like I had nausea and felt like I was overheating. It makes me sad that I got a headache because I lost some of my ideas that I wanted to post. This also is negatively affecting me today. While it is subdued now, there is some pain and, it made this morning hard. Particularly my drive to university was more difficult because I am usually stressed and paranoid driving, but now I was in pain and not thinking straight.
Anonymous 10/24/20 (Sat) 13:42:35 No. 2090 [D ] [DF ]
The only relatable personality traits that I have are being a degenerate and being somewhat racist.
Anonymous 10/24/20 (Sat) 15:19:56 No. 2091 [D ] [DF ]
>>2090 Your feeling of being unrelatable is relatable to me
Anonymous 10/24/20 (Sat) 18:58:48 No. 2092 [D ] [DF ]
>>1532 Ciao /yu/, do yous ever get like a 'shadow' or a voice talking or stating things to you directly in your mind (not an auditory hallucation bc it happens inside not outside)? I think as many anons have stated was a different self with almost a different personality to what they were just experiencing, but what I mean is being 'pocessed' with complety different person
Like for example I am addicted to fapping, so when I do nofap, I usually get an increase of conversions with the Other;
>Life is gonna be a repeat of a repeat of a repeat and you'll age like fuck and noone will want you >you're gonna get weaker and thinner and literally be unable to hold a sheet of paper >(if I text a friend or state what I believe we should do) that is extremely stupid and rude , and you just fucked up the relationship >youll never get a girlfriend (or) the girl you're interested into is already in a relationship (I don't know at this point)/will cheat later or sooner (usually this one makes me relapses cuz the addiction is a surrogate of a relationship) >everyone is talking behind your back and are only putting up a façade just to be kind >etc yeah usually this increases when Im going without fapping, but it happens regularly though. So I blame my shadow (yes, I admit I am fully responsible for my actions at the end but Im saying there's a temptation) for that shit but I'm suprise that my instincts/or whatever has a 'personality' or conscienceness to it. Though it can get worse (like I feel my body move).
So I wonder if anyone here has the same experience with shadows, cuz I can relate to experiencing different personalities/emotional states and headaches throughout the day for things I never did have headaches on.
>>1532 >>1532 Anonymous 10/25/20 (Sun) 05:04:18 No. 2098 [D ] [DF ]
>>2091 Your feeling being a smartass is totally relatable to me.
Anonymous 10/25/20 (Sun) 05:05:46 No. 2099 [D ] [DF ]
>>1537 To Expand It: What Are "Us" If There Were No Us Some Wrong Way.
Anonymous 10/25/20 (Sun) 05:07:46 No. 2100 [D ] [DF ]
>>2078 Don't Worry: good Ideas Come And Go And, Ultimately Return As Good.
Some Fluff Is Going Know-Where.
Anonymous 10/25/20 (Sun) 05:09:23 No. 2101 [D ] [DF ]
>>1635 You're are like only 85.5674% Sincere here. C'mon, You Can Do Good!
Anonymous 10/28/20 (Wed) 20:52:27 No. 2106 [D ] [DF ]
Is there a way we can bring niceness back to this community? i know its partually due to being (sometimes by outsiders, sometimes by rouge 22channers) raided and attacked for no justifyable reason almost 24/7 but it's something i've missed. perhaps i'm being stupid and it's something i've been blind too, like if it happend recently and i missed it.
Anonymous 10/29/20 (Thu) 16:50:07 No. 2115 [D ] [DF ]
>>1532 I feel so tired lately. Not numb like depression or sad or anything, just constantly exhausted. I fall asleep immediately and often too early, and wake up late, still tired. It bothers me because my whole life I've always gotten up early, like 5am to 8am LATEST. But lately everyday its been 8am, which has been stressing me out.
I only ever sleep in when I'm sick or depressed and I'm currently neither. Maybe I'm not eating enough or am catching up on all the sleep I've ever missed? Who knows.
I'm on a short fuse now because of it. I get stressed from waking up late which makes me internally snap a bit throughout the day. I get stressed at tiny things: a bit of mess in the house, someone talking too loudly, anything. Then if someone asks me a question I'm unable to answer them bc my mouth won't open and speak. I'm not the type to really complain to people I know or tell them whats wrong, so I just internally steam as people in my real life talk to me. I want to slap them to shut them up, I just scream in my head "shut up be quiet I don't care." It's not like me to be such a dick, even if its still on the inside. I'm worried I might finally snap at someone.
I'm tired right now too.
Anonymous 10/30/20 (Fri) 00:24:41 No. 2116 [D ] [DF ]
>>1532 I feel like a girl.
I want to dress like a girl.
I can't.
I want to talk about this to at least my mom, but i dont have the strength to do it...
Right now i feel like i am stuck, waiting for when i can live alone.
Most of my family is really transphobic, the only one that i think that could accept me without any words being said is my grandma.
I really like her.
For some reason, most of my life i didnt show emotions to anyone, so my family would never suspect it, and for the same reason i cant even cry.
I just feel like i am wasting my life, but if i tell my family, my life is going to turn from a peaceful, hollow existence, to a hell of mockery, but at least i will be who i want to be!!!!! :(
Anonymous 10/31/20 (Sat) 05:12:39 No. 2120 [D ] [DF ]
>>2115 geez hopfully you'll get some rest
Anonymous 11/13/20 (Fri) 10:21:04 No. 2128 [D ] [DF ]
Im tired of it all and I have noone to talk to.
Anonymous 11/15/20 (Sun) 02:46:27 No. 2131 [D ] [DF ]
>>2129 It always feels like I'm stuck somewhere in life and it never changes. I'm stuck being alone, listening to the same music, watching the same youtube videos about my never changing interests and wasting my day all the same. But what else can I do? I do the aforementioned things for a reason, to at least somehow feel solace and at least limited enjoyment of this life, because outside of that there is nothing for me. Ditching the things I like won't lead to anything. So what should I do? Start listening to normalnigger music that I hate? I might have something to talk about then to other people but I won't suddenly start enjoying that, and it's pretty much impossible to establish any bonds with anyone through one-sided hate.
From the people that I know, I am quite sure that none of them would pick me as a go-to-person for anything, there always will be someone who fits their needs better, so why even bother. I don't know when I'll reach the point of when I truly can't take a single drop more.
So to directly answer your question "What happened?":
nothing happened
as usual.
Anonymous 11/15/20 (Sun) 05:41:08 No. 2132 [D ] [DF ]
>>2131 I think i have an unorthodox solution to your problem
You don't exactly have to be alone though, unless you
really want to. you can use 22chan as a medium to express yourself and talk about the stuff you like with other people via threads, livechan or even the cytube.
what ever fashion, like in a show and tell type of way or something like "how do you guys feel about this?" (seriously no one will act like a nigger if you want to talk about stuff here that you like)
also try to shake things up, there's tons of diffrent music and videos, movies, audiobooks, literature, everything on the internet or in a library. try new things or try doing the same things in a diffrent way. if not 22chan, there's diffrent non normalfag websites out there maybe kinda sorta or just find a club or something irl.
(or you can watch or listen to normalfag shit because screw it you probably never heard or watched it before anyhow)
Anonymous 11/18/20 (Wed) 17:48:35 No. 2136 [D ] [DF ]
Do any of you guy's use social media?
Anonymous 11/19/20 (Thu) 22:18:38 No. 2137 [D ] [DF ]
I'm
>>2115 I had sort of a revelation last night. I never really fixed my apathy. I was sucidal at a very young age and I was never treated, it was never even acknowleged. I never was put on meds or went to therapy for it. I don't think I ever left my depressive episode. I'm still apathetic, and its an upwards battle against apathy every single day.
I'm running out of reasons to go on. I look for them quite desperately and anywhere I can find them. But I have no good reason anymore. I don't even have the excuse of public appearance nowadays. My future seems bleak because I can barely function living at home. I'm so tired. I even stopped really leaving my room. I hardly have the motivation to eat, and I definitely havent been taking care of myself as well as I have managed in the past. I just barely get up because of the idea I could possibly talk to a friend or maybe draw something later. I wake up for this imageboard, too. I'm so tired.
I slept 13 hours last night and I'm still tired. I don't really have anyone to talk to and if I do blurt it out to one of my few friends I feel so guilty I try to never mention it again. I don't want to die, but I don't really want to stick around here. I feel like I'm clawing at the sand or treading water. Even when I'm doing alright, I'm not making any progress toward getting better. I'm just maintaining the bare minimum so I don't crumble into dust when I'm not looking. Even when I attempt to self improve, even with spuratic bursts of energy and the willpower to do it, I have no reason to. I don't care about my own goals, I don't care about anything.
The only solution I can think of is to just.. let myself fail. Just give up for a little while. I am afraid to do so because I'm scared I'll never come back out again. But trying hasn't worked. Maintaining doesnt help either. I'm stuck in a limbo where I can't succeed but I won't let myelf fail either. I'm young enough that even if I disappeared for a few months it wouldn't be detrimental. It's not like I'm succeeding the way I am. I don't quite know what would happen if I give in but if I fail again I might off myself.
It's kind of an extreme solution, to just give in, but I really don't see any other option. I've tried to get motivation from everything I can think of. People I know won't help me, if I'm honest they'll put me in psychiatric for being a danger to myself. I really messed up in the way I dealt with it and if I say one thing, the rest will have to come out. I'm not sure what I can do.
What to do?
Anonymous 11/19/20 (Thu) 22:30:39 No. 2138 [D ] [DF ]
>>2137 Have you ever sought out treatment? My best friend was suicidal until they put him on some happy meds, and he is doing a whole lot better now.
Anonymous 11/19/20 (Thu) 22:53:44 No. 2139 [D ] [DF ]
>>2138 Possibly. I'm not suicidal yet so I don't think its neccessary. I don't really have money to pay for treatment, anyway, nor health insurance. I thought about it but it might make things worse.
Anonymous 11/20/20 (Fri) 00:10:45 No. 2140 [D ] [DF ]
>>2137 One thing's for sure, keep talking about it.
staying silent will hurt you more then anything and im sure this is a gay overused reply, but do you have any hobbies, perhaps persuing a hobby might help you.
Anonymous 11/24/20 (Tue) 02:09:37 No. 2141 [D ] [DF ]
I just took a final exam and did poorly. I did bad because I thought the exam was open until midnight like every other test I had in the class. Apparently the exam was due 6 pm not midnight. I did not know this and ended up only having 14 minutes to do a thirty question test. I got 50/100 on the exam. My final grade for the class is a 80.22%. My issue is that the professor switched up the timing for the final exam. It was also hard to hear over zoom because it is laggy. I could have gotten a A in the class if I knew about this before I took the test.
Anonymous 11/24/20 (Tue) 21:07:31 No. 2142 [D ] [DF ]
>>2141 That sucks man. It wasn't considerate of your teacher to switch up the timing like that
But at least getting 80% isn't that bad, especially considering you could've missed the last test completely
>80.22% comfydubs!
Anonymous 11/25/20 (Wed) 18:21:18 No. 2143 [D ] [DF ]
>>2142 My teacher decrees things, and it goes no buts. 80% isn't so bad, but I want a bigger scholarship, so I don't have to worry about running out of money.