it's a very long story, longer than i could put into a text
i have iived through so much i could never summmarize it
but i have one commandment in my head, which is to love even your own suffering. even in the pits of the worst despair, love it, and you will be brought back into the fold.
it does not make sense at all from how we view this world. it is just a practice that i think heals us.
try it. youll know if it doesnt work when you try.
i think it brings us back to love instead of hatred.