/yu/ - Feelings

/yu/ - Feelings


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Have you ever doubted if there is value in spending time on internet conversations with strangers?
Do you really feel like it's worthwhile?
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For much of my life, I have spent it on the internet. In the last few years, I got a bit sick of being a recluse and being depressed, so I decided to attempt to be normal. I made friends, I had social hobbies, I learned to have interesting conversations, I make myself look nice. For the first time in my life, people liked me.
But I missed it. I missed my online friends, the forumns, the inside jokes, the edgyness that people don't like to touch. The lockdown brought me back to my former days, reading manga and surfing through link after link. Chatting with strangers and drawing not for money, but just for fun.
I love to make content for this site, I feel whole doing so. Some people are mentally meant for this sort of thing. Imageboards are places where I can talk about keeping dead things in jars and spending 3 days watching an obscure cartoon not moving and drawing weird garbage all day without people thinking thats weird. I can talk about whatever. really, and no one takes in my image or identity.
It's good stuff, its not wasted at all, fren. I think I was meant for sites like these, and so were many people who come here.


>Those conversations I have never feel meaningful
Same in a way. I really value my irl friends, however with one exception the conversations we have are often a bit empty. I enjoy my time with them, but sometimes I feel like I wish for more
I'm a creative type. Being part of a band or something like that would be my dream, but that requires skill, which requires effort and dedication; I don't have that
I'm happy for you anon! This place is nice
That's interesting, thanks. Personally I had the luck to meet irl people who could appreciate an edgy meme
Anonymity helps me with posting but it doesn't prevent all my mental-social problems. I guess sometimes I grow tired of interactions, even in this form, and yet my loneliness and boredom push me to it over my limit
I'm not sure, I'm a bit sleepy now
>I love to make content for this site
Same. Making stuff is fun. When other people get involved it gets even funner. That's what I like the most about imageboards in fact

Well, I guess I'll put limits on my time spent on online forums for now. I've done it before but I somehow always end up breaking them


No way in hell i could carry out a normal conversation irl, too autistic and other issues, the internet and therefore 22chan's perfect to me.

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> Pic realted

It's my first time posting here, hoping this board is kind of active.
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All that shit your talking about is taken out of context. its paranoia. (besides the posts talking about your dick uncle, and the robbery, and you being a jerk to everybody)
Your most recent thread actually proves your paranoia.

>But until then, I will be holding vigils and watching my back. It's necessary, I ditched my pocket knife at the airport, but I have a machete. It won't stop a bullet, but I think I need it tonight.

>carrying around weapons everywhere like a madman

wonder how that looks to people and how that would look to your family.

>I don't know what to do. Whenever I talk to my dad or my mom about running away again, they simple say that I can't. That it's just not gonna happen. I think it's possible, but I still have my concerns. My family has this influence, and it could be my downfall.

They dont want you to run away because
1 they love you
2 you can seriously hurt someone and yourself
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I mean it's good and all that you actually reached out to talk with outsiders like us, but you really gotta think about this
did anyone even hurt you yet at all? you need serious help, and diagnosed properly before you do anything rash, and if you iron that out, at least you'll be able to talk it out and prove that someone's actually going to kill you.


Okay, I'll think of this next time I decide to make a post related to all this

It's not just being a jerk or being a dick to people. I mean not even my own mother seems to care for me. She keeps saying things like "you need it" and shit.

Cars keep speeding past my house, non stop, revving their engines. I feel like people have my address.

I don't know, anon, my dad called me to say that he would rather me go to Mexico instead of to his place in California. That I'd probably feel the same as I do here.

I feel as if I'll die before the end of the month or I'll be killed by someone in Mexico.

I don't know what to do anymore.

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I still feel like I'm going to die in this place.

But until then, I will be holding vigils and watching my back. It's necessary, I ditched my pocket knife at the airport, but I have a machete. It won't stop a bullet, but I think I need it tonight.

I don't know what to do. Whenever I talk to my dad or my mom about running away again, they simple say that I can't. That it's just not gonna happen. I think it's possible, but I still have my concerns. My family has this influence, and it could be my downfall.

I feel as if my doctors, my family, this entire town, knows about me.

They say it takes a village, it's likely that many people know where I live.

I'm not able to freely eat, sleep, shid, or shower. It's just a waiting game.

Waiting for the one who puts a bullet into my head.

It could happen tonight, or a month from now.
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Dude chill your suffering from extreme paranoia, also your cat needs protection because apparently you feel the neet to carry weapons 24/7. that or it got injured.
also, either post in the threads you've aready made, or go to >>>/yu/
its a board for these types of threads. lurk moar.

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What's your biggest wish, anon? Is it something that would completely change your life? Something material or something spiritual?
My family mentioned to me today how they haven't heard me laugh in a very long time, this hit me quite starkly. From that, I guess, what I would wish for is to be happy. Whether my wish will get fulfilled in this lifetime remains a mystery.
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>trying to make the best of what they got
hell yeah man


>any friends I've had have always been the real social type
That really sucks anon. Those types tend to see you as another notch in their belts from my experience. Sure they are nice in the moment but they could care less about what you want to do. Do you appreciate the friends you have?


>do you appreciate the friends you have?

Of course, they're good people it's just I feel like I get left in the dust a bit, it doesn't help that I'm an actual autist that can barely understand things like empathy

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Anons that eat your feelings, what do you eat/drink to cope when the ride gets too bumpy, also what tends to make you eat.


-ice cream
- bread
-snything really


-wine, cider, most spirits

reason: literally having to emotionally support my entire family of retards whilst ignoring my own problems
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I don't drink regular soda anymore because I don't like drinking my calories anymore. It makes me gain weight.


I've recently started to eat rice cakes because they are somewhat tasty and low calorie at the same time. It helps me from snacking too much.


OP here, with an update I guess

>cheap meat

>instant coffee
>inhuman amounts of cheap soda
>energy drinks(when I can afford them)

Still the same reasons except the main source of income is now a worse druggie loser than ever before so we Rarely have what we need to live

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Okay everyone.

I'm about leave everything behind. Everything, sadly including my pets, which I love so very much. All of my belongings aside from the following: Laptop, SSN, Passport, BC, Spare undies/tshirt, headphones (2), Two binders that hold the aforementioned documents, and the clothes on my back.

I have 12000 dollars, which isn't an incredible amount, but I have no where to hide in this god damn state. My family is out of the picture. Currently I'm still in my homestate, but I'm out of town, and I don't plan on going back for any reason, other than being convinced by my family (which I fear, because they'll definitely teach me a lesson). I'm truly on my own here.

I plan on hopping on an airplane or a bus and moving across the country. Or should I move out of country? It's clear that these people want me gone, and I mean gone gone.

I'd like to hear any opinions, I'm willing to answer some questions. I'll be watching my post for the next couple of hours. I have until 5am tomorrow to disappear.
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You should probably return back. I know it's not easy, but it sounds like your family genuinely cares about you. You love your pets, right? If your pet would run away, would you be more angry at him for running away or worried for him? Would you punish him if he comes back?
Also your future life and relationships with these people are more important than your fear of consequences, so in my opinion you should face them and return. Even in the unlikely case your mum slaps you and your uncle beats you up. But I don't think he will, unless you know for sure he's beaten up people in the past

I want to tell you something that I don't know how to tell you.
I think a lot of your fears are made up by your mind. Let me explain. Very few people get killed. Less than 1% in the world die this way, in your area probably even less than that, and for a person not involved in drugs/gangs it's probably even lower.
I know you notice all sorts of things, but have you ever considered that maybe your fear is influencing the things you notice and your conclusions on them? Like when you're in the dark and are afraid, each shadow looks like a person who wants to hurt you, and each sound like someone approaching...

Try for a second to reason about it logically, put aside your feelings. Why would all this be happening to you, and not anybody else? How much does it take to push a person to homicide, and have you really ever done anything close to that to anybody? The world is full of dickheads, even famous dickheads, and somehow they are (mostly) all still alive. That's because killing someone is not something one does lightly and it's not something easy to pull off without going to jail for a long while.
Of course there's also impersonal cases, like mass shootings, robbery gone wrong, etc... but that's one death in a million. Ok maybe a little more than that, but still incredibly low, especially compared to other things.
You probably are more at risk of being run over by a car.

And I'm not trying to make you afraid of cars. I'm trying to make you realize that your fears don't have such strong foundations in reality as you think they do, and they don't deserve to affect your life this much. They will never go fully away, but maybe you can learn to react to them better



She hasn't answered my texts, I'm planning on asking her to meet me somewhere once I land back in my home state. I feel like I don't deserve to call these people, but my dad keeps checking in on me, same with my uncle. My uncle told me to come home "we admit responsibilities and deal with them".

The last message I sent my mom was me asking if she wanted to talk and she hasn't messaged me back. Right now, I'm waiting on a phone call from my dad.

My uncle would punish me growing up. He and I have a long history with each other, at one point he straight up told me he didn't really like me as a teenager. I'm a young adult now. We do spend a lot of time together, and he does joke/clown around a lot, but I know I've done things to hurt him as well.

I agree that my relationship with my mom is important, it means a lot to me, but I have this gut feeling that I cause her pain more than anything else. I love this woman, she's said in the fast that she could leave like my dad did if she wanted to, live her life and what not. Now she's talking about selling the house, which is something I know she has been thinking about for a while now. I wouldn't mind at all, she can do that and move somewhere she would be happier. I know she will be.

> "Try for a second to reason about it logically, put aside your feelings. Why would all this be happening to you, and not anybody else? How much does it take to push a person to homicide, and have you really ever done anything close to that to anybody? The world is full of dickheads, even famous dickheads, and somehow they are (mostly) all still alive. That's because killing someone is not something one does lightly and it's not something easy to pull off without going to jail for a long while."

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Well I'm back home.

So much has happened already, I still have reservations for my near future, I'm worried about what will happen to me if I don't permanently leave. I explained this to my mom and she dropped a couple of bombshells on me. She said since my disappearance, she realized that she doesn't want to be with anyone, that she wants to live alone, sell the house and move away. That whatever happens, happens, she's no longer going to worry and worry about my future. When she said this, I began to fear for the worst. She told me to love myself, to take care of myself, and to accept myself. To find god, to talk to a priest or pastor, and find the lord. She said that she needs to find god as well, in order to be happy. It felt like she was asking me to commit suicide. I kept saying things like "I don't want to die", "Is it happening tonight?", and other shid like that. She kept shaking her head, and saying that she wouldn't hurt me. But if I wanted pain she could grab a belt and whoop me. She also talked about putting me into a mental hospital for a while. I don't know what could possibly help me at this point.

We called my dad and he basically told me the same things as she did, that they aren't going to hurt me. He said a couple of things that stuck with me, "We're not going to hurt you, anon", "Everything's going to be okay","It's ALL in your head", and "We have to get you - the right medication so that you can be happy and healthy in life". Hearing him say these things was concerning I sense ulterior motives. That him, my mom, my sister, and everyone else who reached out wants to lure/lull me into a false sense of security before they act. He called me this morning to check in on me, and reminded me to talk to my counselor today, explain what happened recently.

My uncle and my mom's boyfren were getting drunk last night, talking about what's going to happen later tonight. They're talking as I'm typing this right now. My mom's boyfren said somethings dead, I didn't quite hear what that somethings was. My uncle says "You haven't worked, but it's coming now" (rough translation), I can't really hear the context, but it sounds serious.

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Write any random feely thoughts which don't deserve their own thread itt

Sometimes I get in a pretty bad mood, and I start to perceive everything as shitty, even things said by people I'm close with or things I would usually like. Recently I once again was in this mood and got upset when a friend of mine poked fun of a thing I liked, so I wrote a whole rant as a response. I knew the reason it annoyed me was mainly my mood but I suspected that these feelings might be something I "repressed" when in a good mood, also I thought "maybe I'm wrong, but if I don't say it this stays inside of me, on the other hand if I say it we will clear things up"
The next day after reading his response instead of feeling like we "cleared things up" I just felt like I acted like a cunt for no reason
Now this is just a new one of the regretful memories that often pop up in my mind to sting me like a needle
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Good luck!


Is the project a surprise? I ask that because it could be helpful to talk about with someone to stay motivated.


misery? what happened to him? difficult life?

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I hope I have a good day tomorrow. Wage slaving is always grueling but sometimes my boss is nice to me.
what do you guys do for money? I'm a cashier at mcdonds and it sucks donkey dick
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I've never done it myself but it sounds like working in factories is more boring than scary. Don't we have robots to do your job?


That's how life is for many people OP, in fact that's how it is for most people who have got a job. Making million identical parts, making million identical cakes and so on. But it's easier when you don't have to work with whining customers all day who are bitching about not getting enough diabetes in their burger.


How customers treats you is really telling about how people are. These customers really like making employees feel small for not bending perfectly to their commands. That is why I am dreading having to find a new job. My current workplace does not have a lot of money at the moment so they aren't giving me hours to work.

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Can we please get a comfy thread on the comfiest chan so far

please post comfy images and discuss this website since its relatively new
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When i look at these pics, i always imagine what it wood feel like to live there, and this feels comfy.


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Likewise. I moved a lot as a child so we were often in apartment buildings. They have a very nostalgic feel about them, especially three-story brick ones. Reminds me of all the memories in each one with my sister and mom. Very comfy nostalgia but a little sad, too.


Wow, that is a really good photo. It could be a really beautiful painting.

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I've gone and fucked myself. I'm genuinely in fear of my life now. Everyday I wake up, I remember my reality. A wave of fear and anxiety fills me. Sleep is so peaceful, but knowing I could easily be killed during this time makes me stay up for hours on end. Stepping out my front door is a risk too, buut so is staying at home. I'm terrified to schedule another shift at work because I believe my coworkers want to beat the shid out of me. Same goes with my neighbors and the family I live with. Worse than that, I believe people want to gun me down lol. It's become a hellish existence and I don't see any way I could ever be happy again. Genuinely happy and on a good path. My mother, father, siblings have practically disowned me, leaving me for the dogs. Yet I still live with them, I know the way they feel about me.

I have a way out, but my mom might take it away from me. Here's hoping that won't happen.

Either way, once I'm gone, my family will be happier than they were when I was around. Dead or alive.

I can't cope, I want to restart but it's clear that isn't possible. Nor is redemption. Just suffering, or fleeing. But my counselor believes this will follow me no matter how far I go. As for my safety though, leaving this town could be a matter of life or death.

How fucking crazy is that?

I believe that these feelings are deeply rooted in reality, but you would probably call me schizo.

Fuck man, I don't know what to do, I'm only posting this here because I believe my anonymity on a regular pornsite/plebbit have been compromised. Posting with HTTPS everywhere and on a different, more secure browser. Hoping my family isn't able to read what I'm typing.

I don't know if this is me being psycho,(counselor put in a note "psychosis" after our last visit?) but I'm pretty sure I heard my mom say "he already knows they're gonna kill him".
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Well one thing you can at least say is that you actually see your faults, knowing that you fucked up and such instead of denying it and continuing to be a dick. The only way to heal from an issue like that is to be aware that your unhealthy.



I've tried to come to terms with my past fuck ups, it's definitely something that will need a lot more work. I'm hoping that if I make it out of this situation, I'll be a better person for it. I hope to wake up one morning and not feel so dreadful. It's a bit difficult though, I feel like the people around me don't want me to be happy. Or it could be that they think I don't deserve happiness, period, so they're here to sabotage me. I wouldn't blame them.

I'm aware of my unhealthiness to a fault, it's pretty overwhelming, and it's impossible to cut myself some slack.


Eat more fruits and vegetables.

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Hey /yu/. I have a story to get off my chest.

I was around 4-5 when this started. I'd hear a voice claiming to be Satan, it was muddled yet it spoke to me telling me to do things.
Around I was 7 I started getting revelations from this Satan-voice. I was told that I was inside a simulation, and proving it by showing me patterns. I don't know why I didn't react too much.

Around age 12 I started getting more revelations from a voice claiming to be God. I was supposed to be an apocalyptic soldier to bring about the end of the world. Around this time the war started brewing. I started hearing a voice saying it's the CIA and I had lots of revelations around that time. A lot was revealed to me. I started becoming afraid.

I currently take antipsychotic medication and it's making me more lucid.

I can tell more if you want me to.
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Thanks for answering my questions. Interesting stuff, and kinda scary too. I'm happy you resisted the voice that told you to hurt your cat
> I've wanted to do a whole lot of writing and animation based on it.. maybe you'll see in the future.


It'd be killer if you wrote stuff about it, I'm sure there'd a heap of people interested. I sure am.
Two more questions, how did you figure out this wasn't normal? And why/when did you go into treatment?


>how did you figure out this wasn't normal?
I started taking antipsychotics after a lot of convincing.
>When/why did you go into treatment?
My dad's a psychiatrist so he was trying to help me the entire time and convincing me to reveal myself.

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this is know a vibez thread, post meloncholy vibezzzz

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cmon twooters, make ur dream waifu
thanks to the power of machine learning

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this is the other one


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Write a letter to someone who may never read it
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I would like to drink water.


Dear random person

On (tuesday, august, 12) Do not look outside. Close all windows and lock all doors. Turn all of your devices on at top volume. Rock back and fourth and if you hear knocking , knock back 3 times. If you hear someone say "outerwear" you know what you must do. that is all


Dear me of the future
just in case

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>don't actually ejaceluate
who else has perfected this art?
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ah yes, the non-ejaculatory orgasm. ive been taking cracks at it for around two years now. ive come close to a totally dry explosion, yet no cigar. your pelvic floor muscles need to be really strong for it. mine are not yet at the required strength level. but even a delayed orgasm is enough to nearly turn one off to regular nuts. the longer the delay, the brighter the fireworks. ever see a video of a woman having a real orgasm that isn't from some dumbass shit like getting fucked in the ear? and how her soul temporarily leaves her body? imagine that, and imagine being one of the sensei coomers who can chain multiple dry pulls together, since when you dont actually ejaculate apparently your body thinks you still have a quota to reach, and there's no refractory period. thusly, you can experience multiple orgasms within a few minutes or even a few seconds of each other. it is genuinely one of the more mind blowing things you can experience as a man or otherwise human with male reproductive organs.
in my short yet broad days in NEETdom, the NEO is one of a couple masturbatory goldmines which i have discovered, along with the prostate orgasm, sensory orgasms (which is literally rubbing one's stones or nipples or some erotically pleasurable area), and the male squirt, which can be done, but (as far as i know) unfortunately not by those of us whose foreskin and other vital penile components were bitten off by a jewish man while we were infants.


I've done it like 5 times, not that hard tbh.


>prostate orgasm
sounds pretty gay man

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