/yu/ - Feelings


/yu/ - Feelings

Catalog

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 No.2011[Reply][D]

I've gone and fucked myself. I'm genuinely in fear of my life now. Everyday I wake up, I remember my reality. A wave of fear and anxiety fills me. Sleep is so peaceful, but knowing I could easily be killed during this time makes me stay up for hours on end. Stepping out my front door is a risk too, buut so is staying at home. I'm terrified to schedule another shift at work because I believe my coworkers want to beat the shid out of me. Same goes with my neighbors and the family I live with. Worse than that, I believe people want to gun me down lol. It's become a hellish existence and I don't see any way I could ever be happy again. Genuinely happy and on a good path. My mother, father, siblings have practically disowned me, leaving me for the dogs. Yet I still live with them, I know the way they feel about me.

I have a way out, but my mom might take it away from me. Here's hoping that won't happen.

Either way, once I'm gone, my family will be happier than they were when I was around. Dead or alive.

I can't cope, I want to restart but it's clear that isn't possible. Nor is redemption. Just suffering, or fleeing. But my counselor believes this will follow me no matter how far I go. As for my safety though, leaving this town could be a matter of life or death.

How fucking crazy is that?

I believe that these feelings are deeply rooted in reality, but you would probably call me schizo.

Fuck man, I don't know what to do, I'm only posting this here because I believe my anonymity on a regular pornsite/plebbit have been compromised. Posting with HTTPS everywhere and on a different, more secure browser. Hoping my family isn't able to read what I'm typing.

I don't know if this is me being psycho,(counselor put in a note "psychosis" after our last visit?) but I'm pretty sure I heard my mom say "he already knows they're gonna kill him".
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 No.2043[D][DF]

>>2042

I've tried to come to terms with my past fuck ups, it's definitely something that will need a lot more work. I'm hoping that if I make it out of this situation, I'll be a better person for it. I hope to wake up one morning and not feel so dreadful. It's a bit difficult though, I feel like the people around me don't want me to be happy. Or it could be that they think I don't deserve happiness, period, so they're here to sabotage me. I wouldn't blame them.

I'm aware of my unhealthiness to a fault, it's pretty overwhelming, and it's impossible to cut myself some slack.

 No.2044[D][DF]

>>2043
Eat more fruits and vegetables.

 No.2085[D][DF]

>>2044
OP is a vegetable, or about to be once the Shaolin Countdown starts 3



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 No.1979[Reply][D]

> Pic realted

It's my first time posting here, hoping this board is kind of active.
4 replies omitted. Click here to view.

 No.1984[D][DF]

>>1980
Okay, I'll think of this next time I decide to make a post related to all this

>>1982
It's not just being a jerk or being a dick to people. I mean not even my own mother seems to care for me. She keeps saying things like "you need it" and shit.

Cars keep speeding past my house, non stop, revving their engines. I feel like people have my address.

I don't know, anon, my dad called me to say that he would rather me go to Mexico instead of to his place in California. That I'd probably feel the same as I do here.

I feel as if I'll die before the end of the month or I'll be killed by someone in Mexico.


I don't know what to do anymore.

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 No.2055[D][DF]

>>2011
>>1988
>>1986
All of op's threads so far, just to help anyone who doesnt know what's going to catch up.

 No.2084[D][DF]

Are you still here op? is everything fine now?



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 No.2071[Reply][D]

Write poetry to express how you feel
Don't worry if it's good or bad or whatever
Just express yourself
3 replies omitted. Click here to view.

 No.2080[D][DF]

ITT: Y'all sad
Not me though, I'm happy as
git gud @ life, skrubs

 No.2082[D][DF]

>>2080
I'm happy for you anon.
May the sun shine for all of us one day,
or at least peek in the moments of peace

 No.2083[D][DF]

22
chan
this is the third line that usually has the plot twist



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 No.1284[Reply][D]

>post opinion
>"DURR ONIONS"
>"SHUT UP (insert tripfag here)"
>"CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE AND BLUEPILLED"
Just fuck my shit up.
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 No.2059[D][DF]

>>1824
If you like military manga, i would 100% recommend Groundless.
Its only drawback in my book is that the chapters are coming out yearly.
But if you like gritty art and a cute one eyed sniper give it a try.

 No.2061[D][DF]

>>1284
The thing with 4chan, and it's been like this for a long time, is that it's an imageboard with no real set demographic. It tries appealing to everyone equally, but ends up just pissing everyone off. As soon as the novelty of anonymous posting wears off, everyone who actually cares jumps ship to a spinoff that caters to their tastes better, and everyone else goes back to whatever social media site they originally came from.

 No.2081[D][DF]

>>1420
You posted cheese pie dawg that's an insta ban



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 No.1907[Reply][D]

>>953
this is know a vibez thread, post meloncholy vibezzzz
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 No.2070[D][DF]

>>2069
Why are you away from your family? Based on the photo and demographics that goes here are you in college/university?

 No.2077[D][DF]

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>>2070
Yea i am studying in different city.
It’s all very difficult for me.
I don’t really click well with people
socially. I dont know anyone in the dorm,
barely know anyone in the class but i am
at least gonna get to see family this weekend.

 No.2079[D][DF]

>>2077
I choose to live at home for university because I was scared that I would not make any friends. It is worth the 80 kilometers each trip for me because I get to live with my family and essentially live a similar life to high school. From my perspective making friends from class is practically impossible because the professor is talking the whole time. People who live on campus seem like cockroaches who only come out when they are doing something with their friends or have class. I completely understand what you have to deal with and hope you can get a friend by sheer luck.



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 No.1532[Reply][D]

Write any random feely thoughts which don't deserve their own thread itt

Sometimes I get in a pretty bad mood, and I start to perceive everything as shitty, even things said by people I'm close with or things I would usually like. Recently I once again was in this mood and got upset when a friend of mine poked fun of a thing I liked, so I wrote a whole rant as a response. I knew the reason it annoyed me was mainly my mood but I suspected that these feelings might be something I "repressed" when in a good mood, also I thought "maybe I'm wrong, but if I don't say it this stays inside of me, on the other hand if I say it we will clear things up"
The next day after reading his response instead of feeling like we "cleared things up" I just felt like I acted like a cunt for no reason
Now this is just a new one of the regretful memories that often pop up in my mind to sting me like a needle
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 No.2075[D][DF]

Sometimes when I browse the internet and I find something which is nice, but not too nice, and is a bit time consuming after a while I get into a very unpleasant mood:
I start trying to devour it as fast as I can with anxiety to finish it because I kinda want to check it out, but at the same time I don't want to come back to it later and also I want to get it over with asap. I get this feeling that I need to check everything out, sometimes already thinking about the next thing I have to finish after this one and I actually often stop enjoying stuff in the process. Usually I end up feeling overwhelmed and unhappy when this happens

 No.2076[D][DF]

I've been in training. I am now the fiercest predator to walk the earth. Hunting for a game-trail.

 No.2078[D][DF]

I wanted to post some stuff to this site last night but, I got a massive headache. It felt like I had nausea and felt like I was overheating. It makes me sad that I got a headache because I lost some of my ideas that I wanted to post. This also is negatively affecting me today. While it is subdued now, there is some pain and, it made this morning hard. Particularly my drive to university was more difficult because I am usually stressed and paranoid driving, but now I was in pain and not thinking straight.



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 No.1474[Reply][D]

Anything internet related really.
Meme culture
Internet culture
Imageboard culture or how ever else you happened to use it.
Either when you where on the internet, through your computer or outside and people are talking just talking about internet culture.
You can even talk about when you first started using it, or even later in life.
Good or bad memories, perhaps a thread can help close up old wounds, and help heal. Either way i think this will be interesting to talk about.
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 No.1706[D][DF]

>>1705
Wait a minute, you're not angry?

 No.2057[D][DF]

>>1478
how was newgrounds anyway? did it become diffrent over time? how is it now? (i ask this because i've never been there before and i only hear good things and nostalga)

 No.2062[D][DF]

>>2057
Newgrounds lately has become a bit more pron focused in some aspects ever since the whole tumblr shutting down any r18 blogs.
they are also making a program that aims for flash to be working past the end of 2020 called ruffle at the moment it can run early flash stuff perfectly fine while the newer stuff doesn't work as well it also is fully website based so it can run on mobile which is nice.



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 No.1988[Reply][D]

Okay everyone.

I'm about leave everything behind. Everything, sadly including my pets, which I love so very much. All of my belongings aside from the following: Laptop, SSN, Passport, BC, Spare undies/tshirt, headphones (2), Two binders that hold the aforementioned documents, and the clothes on my back.

I have 12000 dollars, which isn't an incredible amount, but I have no where to hide in this god damn state. My family is out of the picture. Currently I'm still in my homestate, but I'm out of town, and I don't plan on going back for any reason, other than being convinced by my family (which I fear, because they'll definitely teach me a lesson). I'm truly on my own here.

I plan on hopping on an airplane or a bus and moving across the country. Or should I move out of country? It's clear that these people want me gone, and I mean gone gone.

I'd like to hear any opinions, I'm willing to answer some questions. I'll be watching my post for the next couple of hours. I have until 5am tomorrow to disappear.
20 replies omitted. Click here to view.

 No.2009[D][DF]

>>2007
Yes.

>>2006
She hasn't answered my texts, I'm planning on asking her to meet me somewhere once I land back in my home state. I feel like I don't deserve to call these people, but my dad keeps checking in on me, same with my uncle. My uncle told me to come home "we admit responsibilities and deal with them".

The last message I sent my mom was me asking if she wanted to talk and she hasn't messaged me back. Right now, I'm waiting on a phone call from my dad.

>>2008
My uncle would punish me growing up. He and I have a long history with each other, at one point he straight up told me he didn't really like me as a teenager. I'm a young adult now. We do spend a lot of time together, and he does joke/clown around a lot, but I know I've done things to hurt him as well.

I agree that my relationship with my mom is important, it means a lot to me, but I have this gut feeling that I cause her pain more than anything else. I love this woman, she's said in the fast that she could leave like my dad did if she wanted to, live her life and what not. Now she's talking about selling the house, which is something I know she has been thinking about for a while now. I wouldn't mind at all, she can do that and move somewhere she would be happier. I know she will be.

> "Try for a second to reason about it logically, put aside your feelings. Why would all this be happening to you, and not anybody else? How much does it take to push a person to homicide, and have you really ever done anything close to that to anybody? The world is full of dickheads, even famous dickheads, and somehow they are (mostly) all still alive. That's because killing someone is not something one does lightly and it's not something easy to pull off without going to jail for a long while."


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 No.2010[D][DF]

Well I'm back home.

So much has happened already, I still have reservations for my near future, I'm worried about what will happen to me if I don't permanently leave. I explained this to my mom and she dropped a couple of bombshells on me. She said since my disappearance, she realized that she doesn't want to be with anyone, that she wants to live alone, sell the house and move away. That whatever happens, happens, she's no longer going to worry and worry about my future. When she said this, I began to fear for the worst. She told me to love myself, to take care of myself, and to accept myself. To find god, to talk to a priest or pastor, and find the lord. She said that she needs to find god as well, in order to be happy. It felt like she was asking me to commit suicide. I kept saying things like "I don't want to die", "Is it happening tonight?", and other shid like that. She kept shaking her head, and saying that she wouldn't hurt me. But if I wanted pain she could grab a belt and whoop me. She also talked about putting me into a mental hospital for a while. I don't know what could possibly help me at this point.

We called my dad and he basically told me the same things as she did, that they aren't going to hurt me. He said a couple of things that stuck with me, "We're not going to hurt you, anon", "Everything's going to be okay","It's ALL in your head", and "We have to get you - the right medication so that you can be happy and healthy in life". Hearing him say these things was concerning I sense ulterior motives. That him, my mom, my sister, and everyone else who reached out wants to lure/lull me into a false sense of security before they act. He called me this morning to check in on me, and reminded me to talk to my counselor today, explain what happened recently.

My uncle and my mom's boyfren were getting drunk last night, talking about what's going to happen later tonight. They're talking as I'm typing this right now. My mom's boyfren said somethings dead, I didn't quite hear what that somethings was. My uncle says "You haven't worked, but it's coming now" (rough translation), I can't really hear the context, but it sounds serious.

 No.2060[D][DF]

>>1988

The first time I wanted to run away I was 7.

When I was 16, I told one of my classmates, I worked hard because I wanted to leave my home and never come back again.

When I was 23, I decided to leave, but later went back twice to see if I still had any reason to go back home. The last time I went home something convinced me it's a mistake to go back again.

It's not easy to survive. My family chased me and it forced me to stop contacting anyone they knew, my classmates, friends, anyone, so that they couldn't have my phone number.

I later learned that I was abused by my parents. I had to spend a huge amount of time on correcting myself, and at the same time struggle to find a job.

I don't know why I am still alive today. But I know I made the right decision. Had I not escaped from my family, my life could have been far worse.



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 No.1957[Reply][D]

What's your biggest wish, anon? Is it something that would completely change your life? Something material or something spiritual?
My family mentioned to me today how they haven't heard me laugh in a very long time, this hit me quite starkly. From that, I guess, what I would wish for is to be happy. Whether my wish will get fulfilled in this lifetime remains a mystery.
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 No.2052[D][DF]

>>2051
>afraid of being judged by his peers for liking such "outdated" music
I hate this. And i've even seen this irl too where people are forced by their peers to hear only certian types of music. there's been times where i hear people jamming out to diffrent music they've never heard before and i've seen people on youtube like african americans in more getto areas listening to pink floyd and other genres of classic rock so i feel like there's still hope that we all won't stay closed off.

 No.2053[D][DF]

>>2052
>pink floyd
>other genres
excuse my autism

 No.2058[D][DF]

I want to be a good person.
That's all.

I remember a quote I saw when I was in grade school. It was a quote about happy endings. It was a female author who said "I want people to know that there is a way out."
I don't know. It stuck with me.

The world sucks, I know.. but the world is made up of people. Individuals with their own experiences. If I could reach out to individuals, i.e. anyone who listens, and not really the world as a whole, I'd be happy.
I believe in miracles.
Sorry for being peppy, it's just how I feel.



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 No.1977[Reply][D]

Have you ever doubted if there is value in spending time on internet conversations with strangers?
Do you really feel like it's worthwhile?
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 No.2048[D][DF]

>>1977
I sometimes doubt talking on the internet is worth it because I am still talking to humans. Yes, you will likely get friends, but sometimes these friends will be distracted. In other words, if your online friend gets preoccupied, communication will be sparse or end.

 No.2049[D][DF]

>>1977
Not really, people on the internet are more honest and caring than people irl. Showing care or any other sort of those emotions is almost taboo, especially for men, on the internet nobody asks and nobody cares about that, people are engaged in the conversation and can overcome pretty much all social boundaries.

 No.2056[D][DF]

I really value the feel of the perfect online communities. Doesn't really replace irl friends for me (although thanks to Corona internet friends and irl friends are basically the same thing now), but only having irl friends without any real community is also super depressing.



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 No.1986[Reply][D]

I still feel like I'm going to die in this place.

But until then, I will be holding vigils and watching my back. It's necessary, I ditched my pocket knife at the airport, but I have a machete. It won't stop a bullet, but I think I need it tonight.

I don't know what to do. Whenever I talk to my dad or my mom about running away again, they simple say that I can't. That it's just not gonna happen. I think it's possible, but I still have my concerns. My family has this influence, and it could be my downfall.

I feel as if my doctors, my family, this entire town, knows about me.

They say it takes a village, it's likely that many people know where I live.

I'm not able to freely eat, sleep, shid, or shower. It's just a waiting game.

Waiting for the one who puts a bullet into my head.

It could happen tonight, or a month from now.
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 No.1987[D][DF]

Dude chill your suffering from extreme paranoia, also your cat needs protection because apparently you feel the neet to carry weapons 24/7. that or it got injured.
also, either post in the threads you've aready made, or go to >>>/yu/
its a board for these types of threads. lurk moar.



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 No.1501[Reply][D]

Anons that eat your feelings, what do you eat/drink to cope when the ride gets too bumpy, also what tends to make you eat.

>foodz

-cheese
-ice cream
- bread
-snything really

>drinks

-milk
-wine, cider, most spirits

reason: literally having to emotionally support my entire family of retards whilst ignoring my own problems
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 No.1965[D][DF]

>>1964
I don't drink regular soda anymore because I don't like drinking my calories anymore. It makes me gain weight.

 No.1970[D][DF]

>>1965
I've recently started to eat rice cakes because they are somewhat tasty and low calorie at the same time. It helps me from snacking too much.

 No.1972[D][DF]

>>1501
OP here, with an update I guess

-foodz
>rice
>beans
>pasta
>cheap meat

-drinkz
>instant coffee
>inhuman amounts of cheap soda
>energy drinks(when I can afford them)

Still the same reasons except the main source of income is now a worse druggie loser than ever before so we Rarely have what we need to live



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 No.1373[Reply][D]

I hope I have a good day tomorrow. Wage slaving is always grueling but sometimes my boss is nice to me.
what do you guys do for money? I'm a cashier at mcdonds and it sucks donkey dick
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 No.1376[D][DF]

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>>1374
I've never done it myself but it sounds like working in factories is more boring than scary. Don't we have robots to do your job?

 No.1904[D][DF]

>>1373
That's how life is for many people OP, in fact that's how it is for most people who have got a job. Making million identical parts, making million identical cakes and so on. But it's easier when you don't have to work with whining customers all day who are bitching about not getting enough diabetes in their burger.

 No.1961[D][DF]

>>1904
How customers treats you is really telling about how people are. These customers really like making employees feel small for not bending perfectly to their commands. That is why I am dreading having to find a new job. My current workplace does not have a lot of money at the moment so they aren't giving me hours to work.



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 No.82[Reply][D]

Can we please get a comfy thread on the comfiest chan so far

please post comfy images and discuss this website since its relatively new
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 No.1955[D][DF]

>>1954
When i look at these pics, i always imagine what it wood feel like to live there, and this feels comfy.

 No.1956[D][DF]

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>>1954
>>1954
Likewise. I moved a lot as a child so we were often in apartment buildings. They have a very nostalgic feel about them, especially three-story brick ones. Reminds me of all the memories in each one with my sister and mom. Very comfy nostalgia but a little sad, too.

 No.1958[D][DF]

>>1953
Wow, that is a really good photo. It could be a really beautiful painting.



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 No.1918[Reply][D]

Hey /yu/. I have a story to get off my chest.

I was around 4-5 when this started. I'd hear a voice claiming to be Satan, it was muddled yet it spoke to me telling me to do things.
Around I was 7 I started getting revelations from this Satan-voice. I was told that I was inside a simulation, and proving it by showing me patterns. I don't know why I didn't react too much.

Around age 12 I started getting more revelations from a voice claiming to be God. I was supposed to be an apocalyptic soldier to bring about the end of the world. Around this time the war started brewing. I started hearing a voice saying it's the CIA and I had lots of revelations around that time. A lot was revealed to me. I started becoming afraid.

I currently take antipsychotic medication and it's making me more lucid.

I can tell more if you want me to.
8 replies omitted. Click here to view.

 No.1928[D][DF]

>>1927
Thanks for answering my questions. Interesting stuff, and kinda scary too. I'm happy you resisted the voice that told you to hurt your cat
> I've wanted to do a whole lot of writing and animation based on it.. maybe you'll see in the future.
cool

 No.1929[D][DF]

>>1927
It'd be killer if you wrote stuff about it, I'm sure there'd a heap of people interested. I sure am.
Two more questions, how did you figure out this wasn't normal? And why/when did you go into treatment?

 No.1930[D][DF]

>>1929>>1929
>how did you figure out this wasn't normal?
I started taking antipsychotics after a lot of convincing.
>When/why did you go into treatment?
My dad's a psychiatrist so he was trying to help me the entire time and convincing me to reveal myself.



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