/b/ - I've gone and fucked myself. I'm genuinely in fear of my life now. Everyday I wake up, I remember my reality. A wave of fear and anxiety fills me. Sleep is so peaceful, but knowing I could easily be killed during this time makes me stay up for hours on end


/b/ - Random

[Return] [Go to Bottom] [Catalog]

File: assets.newatlas.com.jpg (Spoiler Image, 170.88 KB, 1200x800, 3:2, 1599978372914.jpg) [Show in Hex Viewer] [Reverse Image search]

 No.9049[D]

I've gone and fucked myself. I'm genuinely in fear of my life now. Everyday I wake up, I remember my reality. A wave of fear and anxiety fills me. Sleep is so peaceful, but knowing I could easily be killed during this time makes me stay up for hours on end. Stepping out my front door is a risk too, buut so is staying at home. I'm terrified to schedule another shift at work because I believe my coworkers want to beat the shid out of me. Same goes with my neighbors and the family I live with. Worse than that, I believe people want to gun me down lol. It's become a hellish existence and I don't see any way I could ever be happy again. Genuinely happy and on a good path. My mother, father, siblings have practically disowned me, leaving me for the dogs. Yet I still live with them, I know the way they feel about me.

I have a way out, but my mom might take it away from me. Here's hoping that won't happen.

Either way, once I'm gone, my family will be happier than they were when I was around. Dead or alive.

I can't cope, I want to restart but it's clear that isn't possible. Nor is redemption. Just suffering, or fleeing. But my counselor believes this will follow me no matter how far I go. As for my safety though, leaving this town could be a matter of life or death.

How fucking crazy is that?

I believe that these feelings are deeply rooted in reality, but you would probably call me schizo.

Fuck man, I don't know what to do, I'm only posting this here because I believe my anonymity on a regular pornsite/plebbit have been compromised. Posting with HTTPS everywhere and on a different, more secure browser. Hoping my family isn't able to read what I'm typing.

I don't know if this is me being psycho,(counselor put in a note "psychosis" after our last visit?) but I'm pretty sure I heard my mom say "he already knows they're gonna kill him".

Do people use numbers/times as a form of communication? I think so, but I'd like to hear other peoples' opinions.

 No.9050[D][DF]

>>9049
when did it began (or atleast began to be noticeble)?

 No.9070[D][DF]

> I've gone and fucked myself. I'm genuinely in fear of my life now.

Fugged yourself how?

> I believe my coworkers want to beat the shid out of me. Same goes with my neighbors and the family I live with. Worse than that, I believe people want to gun me down lol. It's become a hellish existence and I don't see any way I could ever be happy again. Genuinely happy and on a good path. My mother, father, siblings have practically disowned me, leaving me for the dogs. Yet I still live with them, I know the way they feel about me.


Sounds like schizophrenia. Perhaps your brain is telling you that your parents hate you even though they love you very much.

> I have a way out, but my mom might take it away from me. Here's hoping that won't happen.


If by "way out" you mean being an hero, please don't. There are better ways of coping with your reality then just ending it.

> Either way, once I'm gone, my family will be happier than they were when I was around. Dead or alive.



> I can't cope, I want to restart but it's clear that isn't possible. Nor is redemption. Just suffering, or fleeing. But my counselor believes this will follow me no matter how far I go. As for my safety though, leaving this town could be a matter of life or death.


Perhaps whatever your dealing with can be treated properly, if you can't afford proper treatment you can take high levels of omega 3 (either through fish oil pills or food) regularly, eating healthy, and reducing stress.

> I believe that these feelings are deeply rooted in reality, but you would probably call me schizo.

Eh, bits of it, parts might be true, parts of it might be your brain misreading things.

> I believe my anonymity on a regular pornsite/plebbit have been compromised. Posting with HTTPS everywhere and on a different, more secure browser. Hoping my family isn't able to read what I'm typing.


Welcome to 22chan. And thats true. those site's aren't too secure. Consider investing in a VPN, (not on 22, just when browsing other sites) and this site here >>>/t/264 should lead to other security measures you can take.

> Do people use numbers/times as a form of communication? I think so, but I'd like to hear other peoples' opinions.


What do you mean by this OP? Anyway, it could be your family and frens want to kill you, but consider treating yourself with fish oils and such to rule out any possibility that it could be severe mental illness before doing something rash. i wish you the best of luck OP.

You rolled the number 11464185 (no dubs or higher)

 No.9073[D][DF]

Who deleted my post in this thread and why?

 No.9074[D][DF]

>>9073
I did. The lack of any elaboration made your post seem if not off-topic then low quality.

 No.9075[D][DF]

>>9050
It would be around the time I dropped out of college, during the winter of 2018. I've been a total NEET up until recently, I've re enrolled into online school and I have found a job. Thinking back further and re analyzing what my teachers, frens, and family would tell me during high school sort of makes me think that even then people disliked me. I know for a fact that some did, but over time, more and more of these people began turning on me.

Basically being a piece of shid is coming back to bite me in the ass, hard. I'd like to think I've made some improvements since then but I don't think it's enough for redemption. No, I don't see myself becoming frens with these people ever again, and I understand why. No, I don't expect my family to bend over backwards for me anymore, I'm becoming an adult now. Yes, I'd like to live my own life, but no it might not be possible.

Even my new coworkers stress me out, these people can see from a mile away how fucking odd I am. Same goes for the rest of the people around me. I haven't scheduled another shift, I'm worried things will get worse while I'm around.

Over time, the tension of everything has sky rocketed. It feels like the beginning of the end.

 No.9076[D][DF]

>>9073
>>9074

I'm curious tho, what'd you say anon?

 No.9077[D][DF]

>>9075
Ah so the issue isn't mental illness, it was just you being rude. Do you think you can repair your relationship with your family?

 No.9078[D][DF]

>>9076
Some thing like "fuck you watermelon addict for cross board posting"
Honestly if he had an issue he should have linked to the offending post in /sg/ and discribed the issue in detail instead of derailing this thread or causing a potential flame war.

 No.9079[D][DF]

>>9075
>people are pushing you to schizo mode just for being rude
What kind of hivemind dystopia are you living on anon?

 No.9080[D][DF]

>>9070
> Fugged yourself how?

I've basically been shadowbanned for being a POS

> Sounds like schizophrenia. Perhaps your brain is telling you that your parents hate you even though they love you very much.


I've thought about schizophrenia, but I'm not one to self diagnose. My counselor hasn't suggested anything other than psychosis, but we've only had 5 sessions at this point.

They love me, but I feel like it's a remorseful love, like it's their job to love me at this point. They've said things like "I'll love you no matter what happens, anon" or "I will always love you, anon".

>If by "way out" you mean being an hero, please don't. There are better ways of coping with your reality then just ending it.


I don't want to commit sudoku, I want to improov and live the life I wanted as a young teen.

> Perhaps whatever your dealing with can be treated properly, if you can't afford proper treatment you can take high levels of omega 3 (either through fish oil pills or food) regularly, eating healthy, and reducing stress


I'm not opposed to trying out some supplements, I'd like to think my diet is pretty stable/healthy. I've been eating lots of home cooked meals, but that might not exactly meat healthy. Fortunately, I'm able to talk to a counselor and now a psychiatrist.

> Eh, bits of it, parts might be true, parts of it might be your brain misreading things


Maybe so, I find it hard to force myself to look at things in a different light when there are clues all around me. At least that's what I consider them...

> Welcome to 22chan. And that's true. those site's aren't too secure. Consider investing in a VPN, (not on 22, just when browsing other sites) and this site here >>>/t/264 should led to other security measures you can take


Thanks for the warm welcome, anon. I like to use the free version hotspot shield, but maybe that's a complete sham. I'll check out that link.

>What do you mean by this OP? Anyway, it could be your family and frens want to kill you, but consider treating yourself with fish oils and such to rule out any possibility that it could be severe mental illness before doing something rash. i wish you the best of luck OP.


It seems like people might be trying to tell me something for shids and giggles if they text me or what have you at a specific time.

But it gets worse than shids and giggles. For example, a couple of nights ago a car pulled up within eye sight of my window at around 9:15 pm. They turned on their emergency lights and pulled over. No one stepped out of the car, not that I could see atleast, just sitting there idle. Then at 9:19 pm, it speeds off as if nothing happened. The next afternoon, I found that my gate was missing a couple of screws, causing it to swing open.

I don't know how to see this as anything other than a threat. Do you see what I'm saying? Or am I talking bullshid?

 No.9081[D][DF]

>>9080 Oh thats quite odd, do you use social media, or say craigslist? it could be a felon trying to steal stuff based after info from whatever accounts you have or pictures you've taken.

 No.9082[D][DF]

>>9077
No not really, it was more than being simply rude. It was a lot of degeneracy, drugs and the like. My mom hated it.

>>9079
Funny that you say that, it feels like there's a hive mind.

>>9078
This is my one and only post on this website though lol





Tell me why my captcha was 7capu ;;-;

 No.9083[D][DF]

>>9081
I've sold a couple of items on craigslist, but I've never had my address listed. I no longer post anything on my socials.

No it feels like they're trying to make it clear that being home doesn't equal being safe.

 No.9084[D][DF]

Are you off drugs nao?

 No.9085[D][DF]

>>9084
Yeah, I've been completely sober for 6 months now, no psychedelics in over a year, occasionally I'll smoke a cigarette.

 No.9086[D][DF]

>>9080
>I've basically been shadowbanned for being a POS
wtf did you do?

 No.9087[D][DF]

>>9080
>>9086
and shadowbanned from where?

 No.9088[D][DF]

>>9087
Contexually based after what op been discussing i think he means "shadowbanned from life"
All his frens and family, and co-workers hate him.

 No.9089[D][DF]

>>9088
This

>>9086
>>9087

I don't feel comfortable talking about it, even on anonymous websites. I feel like I can still be tracked/traced.

 No.9090[D][DF]

>>9074
>>9076
I called this guy a cross-posting watermelon addict and told him to fuck off because he posted the same exact thread on onee.ch

 No.9091[D][DF]

>>9090

I don't know how active these sites are and I'd like to find some advice, so I decided to try out two different image boards.

 No.9092[D][DF]

>>9091
I see. Are you addicted to watermelons though?

 No.9093[D][DF]

>>9090
Thank you for elaborating

 No.9094[D][DF]

>>9092
Hell no.

 No.9095[D][DF]

>>9094
I see. Suppose I was mistaken.

 No.9096[D][DF]

You should talk to your counsler about the attemped break in, and perhaps how you should start reparing your living situation.

 No.9098[D][DF]

>>9096

I mentioned it already, she told me to try and see the situations for what "they really are". Someone pulled over near my house, nothing more. The wind has been strong lately and knocked out a couple of screws, nothing more.

I don't anon, seems like something bigger than just coincidences.

 No.9099[D][DF]

>>9098
I think working, buying a car, and getting away from this town is the only thing I can do at this point.

 No.9103[D][DF]

There is nothing that anyone can say on the internet that will help you deal with your mental health. I will try in vain, though.
Based on what you have said here, you are likely paranoid, but this can be associated with a variety of conditions.
Since you have been unspecific in why people hate you, it is likely that they don't. Rather, your social anxieties are being bought to the surface by said paranoia. In real life, people don't just gang up and conspire against one person for being a dick in general.
I'll also add that "psychosis" doesn't mean you are a 'psycho' in the sense that you are psychopath. Psychosis is just a word shrinks use which refers to mental health conditions in general. This note likely means they consider that you likely are suffering from a psychosis, a mental disorder, but they are yet to finalise their diagnosis.
tl;dr: don't do anything drastic, keep seeing your psychologist.

 No.9109[D][DF]

>>9103
To be honest, it was more than just being a dick. I consider myself a nuisance, and I expect others see me in the same light. Somebody who had it coming, someone you never saw again.

There's not much I can do other than sit tight and wait for whatever is coming. I can go to school, work, or just hide at home pretty much.

I will continue to meet with my counselor, I'll continue to talk to my psychiatrist, and I'll try out some meds.

 No.9111[D][DF]

>>9109
Well one thing you can at least say is that you actually see your faults, knowing that you fucked up and such instead of denying it and continuing to be a dick. The only way to heal from an issue like that is to be aware that your unhealthy.

 No.9112[D][DF]

>>9111

I've tried to come to terms with my past fuck ups, it's definitely something that will need a lot more work. I'm hoping that if I make it out of this situation, I'll be a better person for it. I hope to wake up one morning and not feel so dreadful. It's a bit difficult though, I feel like the people around me don't want me to be happy. Or it could be that they think I don't deserve happiness, period, so they're here to sabotage me. I wouldn't blame them.

I'm aware of my unhealthiness to a fault, it's pretty overwhelming, and it's impossible to cut myself some slack.

 No.9113[D][DF]

>>9112
Eat more fruits and vegetables.



[Reply to this Thread]

[Return] [Go to top] [Catalog]
[Post a Reply]